Praise Him In Advance........

When I think about where God is taking me, all I can say is wow and thank you Lord. I feel this covering over me that I didn't feel five years ago. I can embrace every trial whether big or small, because I see how he molds me with each one. I love my life. I enjoy my life. I even began to love living in the Triangle once I found a church home and other things to do besides finding a party. This is home. It's fabulous. I feel so complete and beautiful. The more I give, the more I receive. The more I love, the more I am loved. Even if I wasn't loved or receiving, I would still give and love. This excitement for life is so hard to contain. It wakes me out of my sleep at night. I just love my life! You could not pay me to go back to a life without submission to God's word.

For the last two months I've been taking a class at my church on discovering our God given gifts. I scored high on the gifts of exhortation and compassion. Knowing this has changed my life. I was unable to articulate why I felt so uneasy in my doctoral program and was unfulfilled in research. My GPA was high, I was funded, and I had a good mentor, but I just knew I had to leave. I couldn't really explain why. I would just say things like, "This isn't me. I think I need to be working directly with people or get a doctorate degree in something applied." After taking this class, I learned that exhorters generally don't like to do research, but they'll apply it. They love to encourage, motivate, and give steps to solving problems. That is so me!!!! If only I had taken this class before grad school or even college =). Hannah and Junior (don't act like I'm the only women who has thought of her children's names before she was married) are so going to take something like this while they are in college, if not before. I am just too excited about life! Things are just starting to click, and I see how God is placing me in His purpose.

I am turning the Big 26 on Monday. Life goes by so fast. I know I am not that old, but it just feels like one day I woke up, and I was going on 26. I can't describe it. To be honest, I didn't really want to do anything for my birthday. Then I decided something simple would suffice. My friend M., is rounding up the troops and we are going to let down our hair down and pig out at Coldstone. I know we are all trying to "preserve the sexy," as Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days would say, but it's okay to indulge every now and then.

I love you, and remember God will do what He said He would do!

Beauty for Ashes (Continued)
Beauty is a Dance
By Laura Bagby


CBN.com – Author Angela Thomas, a self-confessed wallflower for much of her youth, tackles this issue of self-worth and God's love in her book Do You Think I Am Beautiful? The Question Every Woman Asks (Thomas Nelson, February 2003). Foundational to a woman's concept of acceptance is her right standing with God. Angela depicts this right relationship with our Heavenly Father as a magnificent dance in which God calls us out to the center of the dance floor and enables us to joyfully partake in a lifelong dance, resting in His strength and protection and confidence.

By discussing what can hinder women from dancing in the arms of God and describing the true fulfillment that awaits women who choose to dance, Angela sets out to free women from wrong thinking so that they can be all that God has called them to be.

Earlier this year I got a chance to talk with Angela, and I found her to be a beautiful and compassionate woman. What follows is the discussion we had about what it really means to be beautiful.

Could you explain your definition of beauty? It is obviously not just skin deep.

I dont think the beautiful that a woman longs for is all about body image. The beautiful that a woman longs for is about complete acceptance. Do you see the flaws of me and the scars of me? Do you see my wounds? Do you see what I am really good at and what I stink at? Now do you want me? Does anybody still want to call me beautiful in all that? That is my take on what a woman truly longs for in regard to beauty. Some days it does get confused with all the body stuff. It is hard to mention beautiful in regard to women and not get that all confused.

Beauty is one of the things that we as females long for. Why do you think that is?

I think it is by design. I truly believe that God wired us as women to long for beauty and to long to be known as beautiful. Why would He wire us to long for beautiful and then require us to pursue plain, or to shut down all those desires and every longing and say, I dont really long for that, I dont really desire that?

I spent a lot of years running away from that, pretending that I was strong enough and smart enough and together enough that all that stuff didnt really matter. But it does matter.

You went through a really hard time where you were just before the Lord, God, I just need to know how you feel about me. Talk a little bit about that experience.

When everything else falls away and all the props that you have depended on or leaned on and all the pretending, when all of that goes away, and there is no one else to call, and there is no more e-mail to read, and there is no one who is coming, and it is finally, me and God, then that is where the title for this book came from. Thats where everything kind of broke, and it was, Oh, God, do you think I am beautiful? Can you see me now? Obviously, He had seen me the whole time, but I was a big mess. So I asked, God, what do you think of me now? Do you still want me? I would understand if you sent me to the back of the line.' But God doesnt do that. There are deeper lessons of grace that you dont even know your life is going to take you to.

Women are taught to smile and to look good. And that grace thing, especially in our culture, is not a big factor. So it is hard to think God is smitten with me, as you say in your book. How do you get past that to where you are saying I know that God loves me completely, no matter I do?

I think that for the rest of our lives, probably, Satan is going to whisper in our ears, Its not true. Its not true about you. Dont believe Him. Maybe it is true for that one, but it is certainly not true about you. God couldnt call you beautiful. You know the truth about yourself. Dont believe it. There is a battle that rages for your soul and for your mind because Satan doesnt want you to believe a word of it. In Psalm 45:11, God says, The King is enthralled with your beauty. To believe that that would be true of me is difficult, but then I get on my face before the Creator and I feel like I hear Him speaking to my heart, Just believe that what I say is true. How much stronger would you be? What kind of life would you live if you truly believed what I said about you? I think that is the fulcrum on which the rest of our lives turn as women. We can live our lives in this very weak place where we are not sure anyone sees us, believes in us, thinks of us, knows us, or notices us, or we can finally come to rest in the arms of God.

Confidence as a woman can be misinterpreted as this 'princess complex' that you talk about. It is OK to be a princess, but we train ourselves to think that isnt OK.

I have avoided everything that has to do with princess thinking all my life. I didnt want to be thought of as the woman with a princess complex, but you know, when I truly let my heart speak what is inside, would I like to be treated special? Yeah. Would I like to be seen and noticed and heard and even heard underneath the surface of what I am trying to say? Yeah. Is that a princess? If that is what you mean, yeah, I would like that very much. I dont want to have the princess complex. I dont want people to think that the whole world should revolve around me because I know differently. I serve the Creator, yet He has wired each of us with this desire to be known.

Where did you come up with the idea that our relationship with God is meant to be a dance? God asks us, the wallflowers, onto the dance floor. We dont have to go pursuing; He pursues us. Talk about that.

It comes out of my own personal life. I tell the story about being the wallflower until I was in high school, and then for the first time ever being asked to dance and remembering so vividly what that felt like because even my friends and my peers, the guys that hung out with me in school, everyone knew me as the girl who never got asked to dance, the wallflower. Even though I made them laugh and we had fun together, I was certainly not going to be the one that anyone asked to dance.

The memory is so vivid of what it felt like to finally be seen across the room and validated that I had to believe that is how God thinks of us. I am imagining that God put that inside of me for a purpose, not for sin, not for ugliness, but just to delight in celebration and to enjoy what He has given as a gift.

I have four children, and as soon as they could pull themselves up and hold onto the sofa or a table, anything, any kind of music set them to dancing, wiggling, bopping and moving. No one ever taught them that. It just came pre-wired in them to giggle and move over a great delight. I looked at them and thought, This cant be wrong because it came wired in them. Obviously, I had nothing to do with their joy in their delight in dancing.

You talk about the distractions that keep us from dancing with God. Would you briefly go over some of those?

Some of them we just mentioned, like the whispers of unbelief. We can stay there for 20 or 30 years not believing that what God said of us is true. Then there are noises in our heads and clutter in our soulsthings that have come into our lives either by our own choosing or things that we never chose that happened to us and they havent been dealt with and they keep us from the dance.

Could you give an illustration of some of those things that we tell ourselves?

There are these questions like, Is this all there is? Is this really what God has for me? Have I missed something somehow? And then there are the questions that come from woundings. Did I deserve this? Maybe this is all I deserve. Maybe I am supposed to be a wallflower. That is what everyone has said of me. So many things come into our lives that clutter up our heads and keep us standing in the shadows believing that everyone else is supposed to dance but maybe we are supposed to stand back here with the noise that we have.

Sometimes we make choices that take us away from the dance, prodigal choices. Sometimes we stand around the edge of the room at the dance and act like the elder brother [in the parable of the Prodigal Son], who doesnt even hear the music and doesnt have any idea that he has been invited to dance in the arms of God.

Talk a little bit more about that prodigal son/elder brother concept. You gave some really good insights about that whole parable.

I think that it is a part of all of us. Sometimes I can be the prodigal, who takes everything the Father has given me and knowingly goes of to the distant country and squanders it right in the presence of God. And then sometimes I can be the elder brother, who stayed homeyou know, the good girl who made all the right choices, who still doesnt get it, doesnt get the heart of the Father, who doesnt hear the music, who doesnt know anything about grace. Grace was available the whole time, but I turned my back. Sometimes I can miss the dance because I have wandered away like the prodigal; sometimes I can be right in the room and not even know the music is playing because I am the elder brother with the snotty, judgmental attitude.

Once we get through those distractions and come into the presence of the Lord, what can we expect to get from that intimate dance with God?

Right there in the arms of God is where He envisioned us when He thought of us. There is strength and confidence and hope to wake up and face the day. We wake up with fear and trembling, or we wake up in strength based on where we are in relationship to God. When we are in His arms, content and peaceful, finding our strength there, knowing that we are protected, that we are following His lead, that we go where He guides us, it is kind of like we get to be the bride, truly, truly the Bride of Christ, the one who is beautiful, the one who is confident because she belongs to God.

That is a long way to go when you have gone through so many trials. And it sounds like you were going through trials when you wrote your book.

Yeah, and I dont know a woman who is not. I dont meet a woman ever who doesnt have a bag of ashes that she can choose to pick up and haul around every day.

So, it is a choice.

Either she is going to lay them at the foot of the Cross and ask our God to exchange what she carries with her for a crown of beauty, or she is going to haul it around.

That is good to know because sometimes we have this belief that we have to be perfect before we come to God.

That goes back to the whole prodigal thing. The prodigal came home empty and ugly and smelly and stinking and being a long way from the dance. The beauty of that is that even in the mess of that prodigal place, Scripture says that one day the prodigal came to his senses. It didnt mean that he came home perfect or changed or clean or in any other way right before the Lord. You and I are the same. We can just raise our heads and look back in the direction of home and the Father covers the distance between us: He runs toward us. We dont have to come without the ashes. He wants to take that sack of ashes and redeem them to be a crown of beauty. To hesitate, to wait because we are not perfect and we are not cleaned up and we still smell like a pig sty and we are hauling our stuff around will keep us waiting when the Father says, Turn. Just turn in My direction because I want to run to you.

I know in my own personal life, when I am going through trials sometimes it is the best plan to talk to other people, yet I think I have to be perfect and I have to have it altogether before I speak to women. I cant speak to all these women when I am struggling, but that is when people are most ministered to. Have you found that to be the case?

Ministry completely happens in the presence of honesty and vulnerability and transparency. When we are being the church ladies, I dont know that very much good happens or very much powerful happens. A lot of little tasks get accomplished. Somebody takes care of the nursery and meetings happen and we make crafts for the missionaries in China, but I dont know that any Holy Spirit powerful work happens apart from real transparency.

I think there is a time when you must decide, Am I going to stay the church lady the rest of my life, or am I going to be the unchurch lady? She is a little bit more raw, and she is way more transparent. She is vulnerable. She is messy sometimes. But God is active in her life. She has compassion to give because she understands what it feels like to receive the compassion of God. She is quick to forgive because, for goodness sakes, she has been forgiven so much already because she finally told the truth. I kind of want to hang out with those kinds of womenthe messy, vulnerable, transparent typesbecause I have been enough of the church lady.

What is the one thing you want to tell women? What is that one nugget that you want women to remember?

At the end of eleven chapters, I am hoping and I have been praying my guts out about it that the woman who has made that journey with me will begin to believe that what God says about her is true. Living out of that changes your entire life. We have known that with the gospel, too. We will either choose to believe the gospel every day and the power and strength that it adds to our lives, or we will wake up and forget until we are reminded again to believe the gospel.

Beauty For Ashes (Isaiah 61:3)

I feel led to blog about how God has given various women (and men) beauty for their ashes. The closer I grow to Christ it seems as if he has positioned extraordinary and physically, spiritually, and internally beautiful women in my life. I am awed at their beauty. I also take plenty of notes =). I love complimenting them, but interesting enough some will say things like:
"You know, I think he gave me beauty for my ashes."

"I can't believe how beautiful I feel."

"I didn't look like this before I was saved. I thought I was pretty, but the way I look now is something I 'm not used to."

"The beauty that I thought I had before was not real beauty."

When I complimented a woman with five children who doesn't look a day over 25, she simply replied, "I don't know how I look like this. All I can say is he gave me beauty for my ashes." Last night as a pastor was praying he said thank him for the beauty for ashes. There is something powerful in how God beautifies us in our weaknesses, when we are humble, and when we remain faithful even when we are broken. I'm going to spend the next couple of blogs talking about Beauty for Ashes. Please feel free to share your testimonies about your Beauty for Ashes. Tell us he has taken you through a physical and spiritual transformation as you remain faithful and how others respond to your new beauty.

Thoughts, Thoughts, and More Thoughts...

It's funny how you can be having a great day, but then you just happen to turn on the TV or sign on the Internet and bad news pours into you and shadows that good day you thought you were going to have. You didn't even personally experience the event, but you feel like you did. You just want to leave work, and you don't even know what you will do if you leave, but you just can't focus where you are now. The tragic events at VA Tech have turned my stomach inside out. My heart hurts. Last week the Imus situation troubled me. On Saturday morning I attended a book club meeting with some sisters from my church. We discussed Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen. We talked about living a life of excellence, speaking life to our children, and living favor minded in addition to other things. As we talked about self-esteem, the issues of colorism in the black community, media depictions of African American women, and the Imus comment arose.

A sister mentioned something that I hadn't considered in relation to living kingdom minded and the Rutger's basketball team. We were talking about how as Christians, we just can't have a bad day and curse someone out. These strong women were persecuted by this man's comment, but were able to handle the situation with class and dignity. They were meek. They didn't become irate on camera or speak words about Imus in the manner that he spoke about them. They didn't disrespect white people. They didn't threaten him. They didn't curse or yell. But they were still able to convey that this is not right and that they were hurt. Because of the way these courageous women handled this situation, the media had no choice but to focus on other things, such as hip hop music. They met with Imus in private. These women didn't give the media the circus show they wanted, and as a result they made this situation less dramatic. I commend them for that. They showed us that they are women, and they made Imus look worse.

As far as colorsim, my heart felt for my sisters and brothers who have been persecuted because of their complexion, whether they were considered too dark or too light. My experience is a little different than most people of African descent in America. I am light- skinned, but I wasn't favored because of my light skin as a child or teenager. I went to predominately white private schools, where there were no more than four black people in a grade. My schools were racist, so I was taunted and harassed by whites just as much as my darker- skinned friends, simply because I was black. They didn't see me as light skinned, just black. To this day, I do not feel favored by whites, and God really had to rid me of thinking that all white people were going to hurt me like my classmates did. My mother's side of the family has people who have passed for white and they do not keep in touch with the family. I have a cousin my age who is living as a white woman. That's crazy. However, the people who haven't passed all married dark-skinned people, so my family is a blend of complexions and no treats anyone differently. Sometimes my siblings tell me I'm adopted, because they are darker than me, but that's about it.

However, upon attending an HBCU, I began to realize that black people, not white people, were now treating me differently because of my complexion. I remember sitting in the cafeteria and a guy walked up to me and said you know I hate light skinned people. I think you all look like pee. I was shocked. Later I would learn about the pain of my darker -skinned sisters, that some men and professors liked me because I was light- skinned, that some people didn't like me because I was light- skinned, that some people thought that because I was light- skinned that I was a certain way, and that colorism is real. Growing up, I only new of light-skinned and dark-skinned. Then I moved to North Carolina and learned all these new terms "light-skinned", "brown- skinned", "yellow", "red-boned", "chocolate", "light-brown", "caramel", "midnight", "honey"... the list goes on. Last week a friend of mine said that she feels like black women are at the bottom, not even our men want us. She said even if you are light skinned, you are no good if you have to wrap your hair at night. My brothers, I hope that's not true. I guess we all have preferences, but our preferences shouldn't be embedded in internalized oppression. For example, I'm not going to marry a guy with good hair just so my daughter can have good hair. I used to only be attracted to dark-skinned men. Now I'm open to all complexions. Perhaps I feared that if I married a light skinned man that my child would be too light. That's stupid.

On Friday night I saw the Evening At Egypt exhibit at the NC Museum of Art. I was amazed at how intricate the artwork was considering they did not have today's technology. I loved how the royal women carried themselves. There were a few greats, but there wasn't anything from headliners like Ramses or Cleopatra. I guess they only do big city things =). It's so tragic how the Egyptians were light years ahead of the Greeks and Romans, but the Greeks and Romans get credit for everything.

God is just too Good. Wow! I'm living proof that when you let him lead your life that you are transformed in ways you never thought you would be. When you call, he'll answer, and if he doesn't do it right away it's usually because he's developing something in you. If he doesn't do it at all it's because he knows you better than you know yourself. Amen!!! I'm so glad that he didn't give me some of the things I asked for. If adversity comes your way, don't let it break you. Push through and keep focused on the Lord. New level, new devil and you've got to fight. We all have adversity that can break us. For some of us it's a failed relationship, death of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, accident, or someone does us wrong. I'm seeing so many things about my life. My parents divorce and lack of a father's love and attention was supposed to break me in the devils plan. The enemy wanted me to be one of those girls who is out there, dates older men or men for attention, is a man hater, doesn't trust, can't love, and is just wrong. We see that happen to so many young women in the same situation. But I was able to push through, forgive, love, and encourage other young women who experienced the same thing. I didn't crumble. We also see our brothers failing because there was no father figure. I let the Lord in to heal any hurts and my testimony is that I don't feel like I grew up in a single parent home. What the enemy wanted to destroy, faith in God led to victory. Almost two years ago I was in a horrible car accident and I went from unbearable pain and not walking to wheel chair and walker to crutch to cane to not walking that well to walking but getting fatigue to walking, but can't run or jump. Now I'm running, jumping, and wearing heels! In October, a credit card balance was paid. Let's just say I didn't pay it and neither did my mother (I thought she suprised me, but it wasn't her). Before that, I was told that in order to have children that I would have to take some type of hormones to induce ovulation when I wanted to have children. Let's just say that's not a problem anymore (Sorry men if that's TMI). These small testimonies arn't including the things that he protected me from that I don't know even know about or all the grace and favor he has given me. I was afraid to fail, but now I'm speaking things into existence like crazy and could care less if they didn't happen. Some people say all this is coincidence or luck. I say it's God. This is why I can't waiver on my beliefs. This is why I love praise and worship. This is why I don't fool with foolishness. This is why I feel more beautiful than ever. This is why I can cry when God is referred to as a healer, provider, and father. This is why I can't do anything to mess up my witness. I've come to far to turn back. If he's done this so far, I can't wait to see what's next. I'm going through an interesting period in my walk; it's a waiting period. Patience is being built like never before. But if I'm not careful the devil can use this period to push in doubt. I've come too far to fall now. I'm pushing through, even if it takes years for these things to pass.

Last night I was talking to a friend and we decided to go to the Word for encouragement. Mind you four years ago she and I would have not opened up a bible on the phone for encouragment through a tough time. After we located and read scripture related to the event, a calmness came. This conversation began with tears and ended with a burden being lifted and a soul restored. What the enemy was using to destroy, God used for victory. God is just too Good!!!

I love you!!

Friends Part 2:

As I was checking out www.cbn.com, I came across and interesting read.
This article paralleled the changes I was going through, especially
in the area of finding fulfillment in God. I never thought that I would
get to that place, but I'm finally here. It's beautiful, but at the same
time I feel like an alien or stranger around worldly men. I am realizing that before "the one" comes, many counterfeits appear. Now that I'm saved, dating is kind of like the way we used to to date (well some of us) at 14 in the sense that it's not hot and heavy; rather it's more of a friendship and courtship. Now that we date with a purpose, we add asking the tough questions into the mix. I'm not a "black widow" by any means, but once again this week I felt it was best to cut ties with a male friend. This is like the 100th one this year. Oh well =)...

I knew we weren't real friends the evening I was over his house. I started to leave because it was getting late (I shouldn't have been there in the first place), and he asked me to spend the night (Sure). I said no for many reasons. Although we (at least I wasn't) were not planning to do anything physical, I told him that when a person is trying to bring others to Christ that he or she needs to avoid even the appearance of evil. We like to think that people don't judge, but if you saw me leaving this guy's house the next morning you would probably question me and wonder if I'm hypocritical. You could easily loose faith in me and in church folk. I mean, that's just how it is. I also explained that there was just no need to spend the night. He felt that I cared too much about what others think. It seemed like he liked my walk with God, until I was uncomfortable with spending the night. To make a long story short we didn't agree, so there was no need to...

The friend before him was the "well you should spend the night (Saturday) at my house, since I live close to your church." What was he talking about? Were we supposed to have a sleep over? Others were similar. I'm kind and sweet, but I'm blunt. I tell them my views and feelings, and kindly ask them not to call anymore. I just don't see the point of wasting time or dating just to date. Clearly these guys don't really respect my walk with God. I feel like I'm constantly being tested. God sends guys that have some of what I want, but not all of it. They talk a good game about their walk with God, but they could NOT cover me. If I wasn't fulfilled in the Lord, I could be looking to men for fulfillment like many other women.

Then there's the periods where it seems like the people who live life all types of wrong are finding love. There are also women who claimed to be so saved, but they settle for a guy who is bringing them down spiritually, because they don't want to be alone and the statistics say that 70% or AA women are single. BUT I have to remember that I don't know their battles and sooner or later those battles will be revealed. Relationships that I once thought were so great have revealed themselves to be trash, but the same people think I need to lower my standards. I say my standards are not my standards, but they are God's standards. I'm just focusing on the one above and not what's going on on my right or left. I'm not settling for crumbs. My Father wouldn't have that =). If He said a man should love his wife the way Christ loved the church, then why would I settle for a guy who doesn't have my back spiritually?

Wanted: True Love
By Kimberly Barton
Guest Writer (www.cbn.com)

CBN.com – God speaks to my heart every day with His beauty and provision – even though contemporary love songs on the radio.

Often,
I come across lyrics of a lover desiring his beloved and doing whatever
it takes to bring his own to him. The lover’s longing is to be known
and loved and finally, out of desperation he puts the beloved to the
test to see what the final answer is.

And so it is, in the same way, God may be asking you: Do you want Me or do you want the world? What is your answer?

Everyday
I am faced with this question. Ultimately, I know that Jesus Christ is
all that I really want and all that I really need. Only He can fill the
inner longings and desires of my soul.

I want God to strip away
all the imitations and counterfeits that this world has to offer and
reveal to me the true Lover of my soul, Jesus Christ. I want him to
reign within my heart, spirit, and mind forever. I am desperate and
hungry for this pure and innocent, true love that I have found in Jesus
Christ.

There is the occasional day on Regent University’s
campus when, either leaving or entering the library, I see a bride
posing for her picture along the red-carpeted stairwell of the
vestibule. Then, there are the days when I see brides posing in front
of the regal fountain on campus with the roaring lions.

They,
the brides look like royalty, and I feel like Cinderella with ashes
across my cheek, not yet discovered by her prince. I think to myself as
I longingly look at the brides with admiration, “I desire to be chosen,
to be a bride beautifully arrayed in the finest of ornament for her
husband.” The brides — they glow, they radiate, and they bask in
knowing they have been chosen. I think, “I want to be chosen” and I ask
God, “When will my day come?”

I imagine Jesus Christ longing to
reach down to this earth and take my face in His hand and tenderly and
lovingly saying to me, “But my dear, my beloved, you are already a
bride, a most beautiful bride because of Me, and I chose you and you
are Mine.”

“Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what
I say. Forget your people and your family far away. For your royal
husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for he is your Lord. (Psalm
45:10-11,NLT)"

Today, I wrote in my journal, “How much better
it is to be your bride rather than an earthly one! The material of a
wedding dress is perishable, but your garment of righteousness lasts
forever.”

“She has been given the finest of pure white linen to
wear. For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people
(Revelation 19:8,NLT)."

I now understand the longings of my
heart. Everything goes back to Jesus Christ, and it all makes sense to
me now. The desires of my heart are really all for Jesus Christ
Himself. He gives us wisdom and freedom in regards to things of this
world. He delivered us out of the depths of Sheol. Respectively, we are
free from the worldly systems.

Again, it all comes back to the
fact that we all long for the love that involves a deep sacrifice, the
sacrifice of God’s only Son. It is an innate yearning within us that
rises up. Pay attention to the stirrings within your soul … when you
are feeling that void. People are always doing whatever they can to
stave it off — believers and unbelievers alike. Go to the True Source.
Be looking out for your Romancer. He wants you to seek His face and
love Him for who He is.

Random Questions:

I've been pondering over the following serious and controversial topics all day =). Maybe you can add some insight. Can a man and woman be just friends? What does "friend" mean when you are talking about a friendship with the opposite sex? Why do some married people feel the need to have opposite sex friends? Why do ex-boyfriends always ask if we can be friends? What is a friend? Why do some people remain friends with their ex, even though they know it drives their significant other crazy?

I realized that I don't have any male friends -meaning a male friend that I talk to on the phone and hang out with in the same manner that I hang out with and talk to my female friends. Sure, I have and had male associates, co-workers, classmates, and there are guys I know and may talk to on the phone every now and then, but I don't think we are exactly friends, just associates. I've also had guys play a big brother role, but I don't think we were friends either; rather they just looked after me.

Men who I thought were my friend ended up liking me as more than a friend, and I've also fallen for men who were my friend. I don't feel as though I need male friends. Is that wrong? I would definitely welcome a guy who was more of a big brother, especially when it comes to helping me discern the guys I date. I do feel that the best romantic relationships are just that because they began as solid friendships. So is it wrong to feel that I'd go out of my way to form a solid friendship with a guy in which we both hope it will advance to another level? On the other hand is it wrong to feel that time is too precious to be forming all these deep male friendships when in the end I know I'll drop them when I get married? I mean I don't think hubby would be cool John Doe calling all the time, unless John Doe was his friend too. Just thinking....

All of this came about because my grandmother is harassing me. The phone conversations usually go like this:
Grandma: So you're going to be 26 soon. I'm so proud of you. You are growing up! Are you dating anyone?
Me: Thanks, I'm proud of you too. No, I'm not dating anyone.
Grandma: There has got to be someone.
Me: No Grandma, there isn't anyone.
Grandma: You can tell me. I know there is someone.
Me: No Grandma, there isn't anyone.
Grandma: I know someone is looking at you. Do you talk to any young fellows? Do you got to any dances? (Who still has dances?).
Me: Not really, I guess most of my friends are women.
Grandma: What you mean you don't have any male friends?
Me: I guess I just don't.
Grandma: Are you interested in boys....I mean do you want male friends.
Me: Yes, grandma. I'm interested in boys. I'm just really working on getting my life together so I can be a better woman, girlfriend, and wife. I'm really making sure I'm straight with God and in His purpose for my life.
Grandma: How long is that going to take? Are there any nice boys at your church? Do me a favor, just find a male friend.

Seriously people. Just pray that my grandmother calms down =).

Love ya,
Z

That Thing..................

Think about that thing you do that you know you're not supposed to do, but you do it anyway. Think about that thing that you know you need to do, but you just can't get around to doing it. You know that if you could just stop doing that thing or start doing that thing that you would reap so many blessings, but you just choose not to do it. Every time you do it or fail to do it, you feel a conviction in your heart. You do this thing even though after the fact you wish you wouldn't do it anymore. Sometimes you don't even know why you do it. Or you know you need to do this thing and you don't even know why you can't get started.

Many of us know that we need to stop telling lies, cheating, cursing, gossiping, idolizing money and celebrities, smoking, being a hypocrite, drinking, fornicating, overeating, disrespecting others, overspending, cohabitating, thinking that we're too good, and the list goes on, but we still do it anyway. Many of us know that we need to start sharing, tithing, worshiping God, serving, turning off the televisions and reading, exercising, investing, reading the Word of God, living right, getting our minds right, getting our families right, and educating ourselves, but we fail to make moves in those areas. Sometimes other people tell us we need to do X, Y, Z in order to live our best life ever and walk victoriously, but more often than not God tells us. We just ignore Him, and live our lives without true peace. Claiming we enjoy premarital sex, but then having the baby what would you do if I got pregnant talk with our boyfriends is not peace. Constantly telling lies to make ourselves look better, and then not remembering who we told what lie to is not peace.

My dear, if we just humble ourselves before the Lord and be obedient to His Word, we will be blessed in ways we couldn't even imagine. I don't have the perfect life, and it may seem that so many people in the world have more than me, but I can honestly say that I am reaping the harvest from my obedience to God. Everyday something is revealed to me. I've been blessed everyday since I did the thing God asked me to do. Now of course the more blessing, the more devil, but I'm at a place where I can recognize his attacks and get into Word.

Please read the following scripture carefully. It will change your life, or at least convict us about something we need to do or stop doing..........

Deuteronomy 28

Blessings for Obedience
1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:
3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.
8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.

Sometimes we do the things we know we are not supposed to do and wonder why we are not blessed and don't have peace. It's really simple; just follow the Word. We must ask ourselves if doing that thing or not doing that thing would break God's heart. Please allow Him to use you and transform you.

Curses for Disobedience
15 However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:
16 You will be cursed in the city and cursed in the country.
17 Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed.
18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
19 You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out.
20 The LORD will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. [a] 21 The LORD will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess. 22 The LORD will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. 23 The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. 24 The LORD will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed.
25 The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth. 26 Your carcasses will be food for all the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them away. 27 The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. 28 The LORD will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. 29 At midday you will grope about like a blind man in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you.
30 You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and ravish her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. 31 Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. 32 Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand. 33 A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days. 34 The sights you see will drive you mad. 35 The LORD will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head.
36 The LORD will drive you and the king you set over you to a nation unknown to you or your fathers. There you will worship other gods, gods of wood and stone. 37 You will become a thing of horror and an object of scorn and ridicule to all the nations where the LORD will drive you.
38 You will sow much seed in the field but you will harvest little, because locusts will devour it. 39 You will plant vineyards and cultivate them but you will not drink the wine or gather the grapes, because worms will eat them. 40 You will have olive trees throughout your country but you will not use the oil, because the olives will drop off. 41 You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity. 42 Swarms of locusts will take over all your trees and the crops of your land.
43 The alien who lives among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower. 44 He will lend to you, but you will not lend to him. He will be the head, but you will be the tail.
45 All these curses will come upon you. They will pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you did not obey the LORD your God and observe the commands and decrees he gave you. 46 They will be a sign and a wonder to you and your descendants forever. 47 Because you did not serve the LORD your God joyfully and gladly in the time of prosperity, 48 therefore in hunger and thirst, in nakedness and dire poverty, you will serve the enemies the LORD sends against you. He will put an iron yoke on your neck until he has destroyed you.
49 The LORD will bring a nation against you from far away, from the ends of the earth, like an eagle swooping down, a nation whose language you will not understand, 50 a fierce-looking nation without respect for the old or pity for the young. 51 They will devour the young of your livestock and the crops of your land until you are destroyed. They will leave you no grain, new wine or oil, nor any calves of your herds or lambs of your flocks until you are ruined. 52 They will lay siege to all the cities throughout your land until the high fortified walls in which you trust fall down. They will besiege all the cities throughout the land the LORD your God is giving you.
53 Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the LORD your God has given you. 54 Even the most gentle and sensitive man among you will have no compassion on his own brother or the wife he loves or his surviving children, 55 and he will not give to one of them any of the flesh of his children that he is eating. It will be all he has left because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of all your cities. 56 The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter 57 the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For she intends to eat them secretly during the siege and in the distress that your enemy will inflict on you in your cities.
58 If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name—the LORD your God- 59 the LORD will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses. 60 He will bring upon you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you. 61 The LORD will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed. 62 You who were as numerous as the stars in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey the LORD your God. 63 Just as it pleased the LORD to make you prosper and increase in number, so it will please him to ruin and destroy you. You will be uprooted from the land you are entering to possess.
64 Then the LORD will scatter you among all nations, from one end of the earth to the other. There you will worship other gods—gods of wood and stone, which neither you nor your fathers have known. 65 Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the LORD will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. 66 You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life. 67 In the morning you will say, "If only it were evening!" and in the evening, "If only it were morning!"-because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see. 68 The LORD will send you back in ships to Egypt on a journey I said you should never make again. There you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but no one will buy you.

Enough Said!!!

I love you so much!

Put On Your Big Girl Panties..........

The First Lady of my church uses this line, and I love it. Instead of complaining, doing immature or little girl things, or fearing the unknown, sometimes we just need to put on our big girl panties (or big boy briefs) and get the job done and move forward. I was struggling these last couple of days. On Thursday I had a wisdom tooth removed. I was put to sleep, so I just remember waking up at home and feeling good. I was fine on Thursday and Friday, even got my hair done, went out to a social event, and out to dinner (soft food). Maybe I just still had an abundance of drugs in me. However, on Saturday the pain along side effects from the medication threw me off. I was a mess and trying to continue on with my plans and be cute like nothing was wrong. I suppose I thought I was invincible. I had experienced major surgery and pain from being in a car accident, so I thought that nothing could ever get me down or physically hurt me in comparison to that experience, especially not a little wisdom tooth extraction.

Today, I am still a mess from Thursday's procedure. Maybe the oral surgeon didn't tell the whole truth when he said I'd be fine in 48 hours. My mouth hurts, my head hurts, and my stomach gets upset from the pain medication. I went to work, but I was not productive. I got things to do this week, so this small drama can't have the best of me. I am getting baptized tomorrow. I was baptized as a child, but that was before I was mature enough to understand my commitment to Christ. It was not personal; rather it was just ritual and tradition. Now baptism is personal. It is my act of obedience, public testimony, and spiritual truth of death, resurrection, and cleansing. I am sooo excited. I have to stay focused. I'm about move to another level in my walk with Christ and here I am letting a wisdom tooth extraction distract me. Whatever!! I just have to put on my big girl panties and get this move done!

Reflections and Perceptions...........

I decided to write the adjectives and phrases that others have used to describe me throughout my life. Some are positive, but others are negative. You will even notice opposites. I don't mind if you laugh as you are reading them =)....

calm, quiet, talkative, shy, outspoken, well-spoken, reserved, rigid, funny, friendly, nice, sweet, kind, judgemental, materialistic, frugal, polite, people pleaser, sexy, doesn't know she's sexy, needs to own her sexiness, down to earth, uppity, pretty, beautiful, ugly, a flosser, fine, well-dressed, boring, hot and haute, in need of a make-over, you don't need any make-up, why don't you wear more make-up, mean, gorgeous, sensual, bougie, proper, improper, gangsta, weird, nigger, oreo, white girl, left-handed (as in that explains all of her shortcomings and anything different about her), worrier, neat, clean, dirty, confident, bastard, weak, classy, different, nice skin, ugly skin, religious, spiritual, a blessing, honest, shady, controlling, submissive, focused, unfocused, open, a stubborn Taurus, won't let anyone close, pretty and bouncy hair, nappy hair, smart, intelligent, miss manners, air headed, dumb, street smart, common sense, lack of common sense, arrogant, conscious of others, stuck on herself, she won't date you unless you make over $60,000 (This is not true. Seriously, if I was going to choose an income level, it would be much higher than that =)), you'll never be good enough, you're better than the rest, wife material, she has alot going for herself and she doesn't have a man so she must be crazy, proud, ashamed, embarrassed, appreciative, unappreciative, focuses on the future, holds on to the past, forgiving, broke, determined to rise above her circumstances, doesn't work hard enough, ignorant, thinks too highly of herself, poor, broken, rich, blessed, loves, loved, .................

Thank you if you actually took the time to read all of them!!

It is true that I have to be careful about how others perceive me. I know that first impressions are often last impressions and that people see me before they hear me. I am also aware that so many people are turned off to God, religion, and spirituality, not because of something God did to them, but because of the way they were treated by people who claimed to men and women of God. Last night my pastor discussed how we cannot claim to love God and then mistreat others. How can we spend Sunday morning praising God and then go to brunch and be rude to the waiter or waitress? People do it all the time, and we wonder why the world thinks we're crazy.

However, I'm talking about a different level of perception, which is dwelling on negativity or what we don't have in comparison to others. If we care too much about the negative things people have to say about us, we will miss a move of God in our lives, because when that move comes, we will feel like we don't deserve it. We will feel like we are not worth receiving that thing God promised us.

We know that God made us in his image and likeness. We know that the Holy Spirit dwells in us. We know that we that through Jesus we are washed clean and have ABUNDANT life here on Earth. Given that we know these things, why is it easier for some people to complain and accept negativity than to speak life? Why do we tone down our blessings, as if we are afraid to outshine others? Why are there people who still can't receive a compliment? Why do people doubt their abilities?

What if I only believed in the negative things on that list. What if I only believed that I was ugly, shy, a nigger, judgmental, dumb, broke, weird, that something is wrong with left handed people, that my destiny is tied to my zodiac sign, that I will never be as good as others, or that I was stuck in the past? Seriously, what would happen?
We don't have to be geniuses to figure it out...........

1. I wouldn't see the point in reaching career goals or leading.
2. I wouldn't see the point in investing
3. I wouldn't see the point in taking care of my appearance
4. I'd probably date any man that smiled at me,and I wouldn't think I was worth a good man
5. I wouldn't believe it when people told me I was pretty
6. I would think that others are better than me
7. I would probably be a hater
8. I would miss out on opportunities
   
9. I would probably put all my junk and negativity on my children, family, and friends

The list goes on and on, but I think you get my point.

On the other hand, If we believe in the good things people say about us and God's promises to us, our destiny is nothing less than phenomenal. Our standards will not be compromised. Even when we are in our darkest hour, we will be able to see that thing we are hoping for and believe that it is going to happen. Sure, others will doubt you, but you know what's up!

My dear, it is soooooo easy to focus on the negative. We've all heard the saying that you can't keep a blessed woman down or you can't keep a blessed man down. Don't you know that they enemy also knows that. He's smart and has found all types of ways to creep into your minds to keep you focused on the negative. The devil knows that faith and speaking life are key ingredients to turning negative situations around and to reach your goals. What better way to block you then to keep you focused on the negative. My dear, today I want you to shake off any negative thoughts. I want to shake off the negative adjectives others put on you. I want you to shake off the negative adjectives that you put on yourself. The Buts, I can't, I don't know, this is hard, and the Impossibles are gone. It's time time to only think with thoughts of faith.

I'm going to use myself as an example again, but I want you to replace my thoughts of faith with yours: I know people probably think I'm crazy for saying I'm going to be extremely wealthy, especially after they look at my current bank statement, humble possessions, and knowing that I want to work with youth. I know people probably think I'm crazy for saying that I'm going to be this or that, especially when they look at my current situation. My dear, I'll miss my blessing if I focus on the negative and doubts of others. I can't afford to do that and neither can you. Let them keep laughing. Let them keep doubting. One day their doubts will be silenced by your blessing, and I can't wait for you to tell us all about it!

I love you so much!

Unfortunately, many people see you before they hear you. Who says Christian women are supposed to look frumpy?!? Many of the women in the bible received beauty treatments and advice on how to present themselves. These women were beautiful on the inside and outside. This site has good fashion and life advice and a book list.
http://www.guccigodivagod.blogspot.com

Judging Others ( From Matthew 7)

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. [ In other words, how can you correct others when you aren't acting in a correct manner].

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. [When I read this verse I always think about people who give their hearts and bodies to people who don't deserve them. Someone on another blog mentioned that what's worse than no good or underachieving people are the people who date underachievers.

This is one of my favorite verses. It keeps me grounded, and reminds me of the things I need to work on. It is true, that once you become saved [for real] that you are brand new [transformed], and many of the negative things that you used to understand, just don't make sense to you. For example, I don't understand anymore how people can fight over "territory" or have a bad attitude everyday. I don't understand how people can stay in a relationship with someone who brings them down. I don't understand how people can be married and basically be roommates. I don't even understand the things I used to do!! However, I have to be careful not to call someone out on their weaknesses, when I do the same things. While the Word may not agree with a person's life style, I can not say that God doesn't love that person. We still need to use discernment. I wouldn't want you to let someone waving a gun in the air in your home, because you didn't want to judge them as someone who had bad intentions.

We hear people say things like...........

"She's loose..., but I can count all the guys I've been with on one hand, and I'm only sleeping with my boyfriend or so and so right now."
[What's the difference? How can one person think she is better than the other]

"How can you spend the night at X's house? I mean me and my boo spend the night every night, but we just lay in the bed and watch TV."

"B cheated on his girlfriend with C., but although I slept with C, I didn't cheat, because it wasn't emotional." [Is he serious]

"How can she date X. He is no good. I know my man isn't all that, but he makes sure that I am number one. He may have a few girls on the side, but I'm wifey."
[I still know grown women who talk like this].

"I don't trust so and so or this organization, because they just want my money." [However this person feels like this because he or she uses people for their money].

Clergy and religious people who shun others for the same things they are doing. [The divorce rate in the church and world are similar].

Parents who punish their children for cursing or fighting, but they can't stop doing those things.

Politicians making sure poor [and black] men are sentenced for crack, while they snort cocaine.

Retailers who arrest shoplifters, while managers at the top of the retail industry are embezzling.

"How can so and so eat like that... I take good care of my body." [But this person smokes and drinks too much]

The list goes on and on.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

This is a Word for me!

Today, I declare that I love those who judge me. I love them even though I do not know them. Today I declare that I will not judge others. I know that I can't correct others when I am doing the very thing I accuse them of doing. I'm going to first take all of the planks out of my eyes, and so I can help my brothers and sisters remove the specs from their eyes. Girls, help me on this one.... I am going to stop referring to some of the guys who approach me with weak game [the bow down to me because I have multiple degrees, no children, and never been to jail type of guys] as losers, lame, corny, and wack. I will just say we are not compatible instead of using harsh adjectives. Also, I know there are things that others would perceive as lame about me. I want people to be confident, so I will always be confident. I want people to be classy and dignified, so I will do everything with class and dignity (well just about everything, sometimes you have to let it go and get down and dirty), I want people to be leaders, so I will be a leader. I want others to know when to submit, so I will submit. I don't want anyone around me to worry, so I will not worry. Yes, there will be no more panic attacks (i.e., two weekends ago when I was out of town and my checking account was funny). Sorry about that gals and thanks for calming me down =).

I've told you all the type of guys I will date and how I will date, so you will not see me with someone who doesn't treat me well, no matter how fine he is. [On a side note. I have to stop getting giddy when I see a nice looking man. I don't know..... a handsome man in a power suit and cufflinks just brings out the little girl in me. And don't let him be nice and love the Lord for real.... I might even blush (I don't approach men, just watch)].

I can speak on the blessings of following the Word, because I fight to live it. I will keep praising and worshiping God in BOTH in a church and at home. I will keep tithing, so you can see the blessing in tithing. I will be honest about my weaknesses, and confess to you when I fail. I just want you to experience the love I have for Christ. I don't want to be the person who blocks you from wanting to know Him. If I don't do something, it's because I know in my heart it's not God's plan for my life. I will keep speaking life. I want you to love, so I will love. I love you!!!

We Strut, We Strut, We Strut, We Strut...................

Last weekend I went back to my Home by the Sea for my sorority chapter's 60th Anniversary celebration. I had a wonderful time. I will never forget the women this picture. They called themselves the Golden Girls, and they pledged in 1954. They were so fabulous. They weren't complaining about aches and pains or being tired. They arrived in minks, leather suits, stilettos, Fendi bags, and "stunna shades." These women were bad. They had the education and wealth to back up the bling. Their inner beauty and happy spirit were evident. I want to feel that good when I am in my 70s. Tina Turner better watch out =)!

Make It Personal...

So many times we are told to pray, but many of us don’t know how to pray. I confess, I didn’t really know how to pray until last year. I was praying, but I wasn’t really praying, if you get what I mean. I feel blessed to be in a church that stresses growth and intimacy with God. I pray using the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–15). Prayer is on my mind today because I was technically on the verge of having bad day, but I didn’t let it become a bad day. Prayer is also on my mind because the something that I asked for was given to me, and I am sooo thankful and happy. I’ll show you how I pray………

Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name
Exalt his name. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him what he means to you. Lord I love you. You are awesome. I praise you. I worship you. You are all that. You are magnificent. I will not put anything above your name. Hallelujah to your name. Thank you for being my father, my king, my leader, my savior, my healer, my provider, my redeemer, my banker, my name changer, my friend, my protector, my everything (I can go on and on, and some days he means different things to me)……………

Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Lord, I know I’ve asked you for many things, but only give me the things that are in your will for my life. I am submitted to your will for my life, and if it isn’t you then I don’t want it. Help me to see your way. Here I’ll pray about decisions I need to make.

Give us today our daily bread
Lord, you know the desires of my heart. Ask him for the things you need. Thank him for the things you’ve asked for even if you can’t see them now. Right now (at this minute) I need the following: Lord, stretch my patience. Help me to manage my time. I am starting to feel overwhelmed, but I need you to bring order to my weekly schedule. I’ve asked that you make me great, and I know that the time commitments that I’m struggling to make are NOTHING compared to the work you have for me. I mean seriously Z., this is nothing compared to your life as a First Lady of a nation, state, church, or business [those of you who know me, get this joke]. This is nothing compared to being a leader of a charitable organization or school. This is nothing to being a wife and mother. This is nothing compared to what’s coming……so girl, get it together.

I pray for the specific needs of my family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, church members, church leaders, and people struggling with poverty, abuse, addiction, and/or violence. I pray for the marriages and relationships of my friends. I pray for the safety of my husband and children, even though I don’t know them yet. I thank God for the good health, home, wealth, family, job, life, and saved family members that I asked for. I thank him for making me his princess. I am royalty. Just thank him for those things instead of asking him over and over for them. I also ask him for my specific needs. I thank him for the small things he does for me on a daily basis (waking me up, my car, having food, a bed, etc.).

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors
Ask for forgiveness for your sins and make sure that you forgive. I ask God to forgive me for the times I failed to keep my word, including the times I paid a bill late. I ask him to forgive me for my thoughts and actions that weren’t godly…the times I talked about other people...the times I worried..times I complained. I forgive those who hurt me, and I ask that I never hold unforgiveness. I ask that I don’t judge others and that others do not judge me. Sometimes people feel that Christians are judgmental. However, I find myself being judged more by others for being a Christian than for my actions that weren’t good. Being a Christian isn’t easy. Many people don’t have nice things to say about Christians, and I can definitely understand their reasons, but why be the judgmental person you accuse Christians of being?

Many of my friendships have become very awkward. I try to reach out, but I guess they don’t feel as though they can hang with me because they fear I’ll judge them even though I don’t. I still love through the awkwardness. At this minute I am asking God to help me get through these changes.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one
Temptation, temptation, temptation………….I pray for my areas of weakness and ask for strength to overcome them. I ask God to deliver me from the things that have me bound. I thank him for breaking bad habits. I also ask that he delivers my family, friends, and community from things that have them bound.

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
Lord, it all belongs to you. I belong to you. I will serve you. What can I do for you? Your name reigns supreme. Your word is true.

In Jesus' name we pray! Amen

Please Read This Blog on Fathers and Sexual Attitudes on Intellegentignorance

http://intellegentignorance.blogspot.com

What do you think? Why is Sex just Sex to some people? I can admit that because of "technology" I didn't think too much about the consequences of sex when I was out in the world. My life would have been "different" if I got pregnant by my ex. The woman I am today would never want a man like that to be the father of my children. What was I thinking?!? How could I give my precious body away? Thank God for growth and for saving me!!!

Happy Valentine's Day..........

May your love be the kind of love that is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, and is not proud. The kind of love that is not rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. The kind of love that does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. A love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Have a Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,

Z

The State of The Black Union and Other Stuff................

The State of the Black Union was held at Hampton University, my alma mater, and I had the pleasure of being able to attend. I'm still taking it all in, and I may post again. Let's just say that I feel even more motivated to be of service to all mankind. The dialogue between the panelists was great.

I feel that the media often portray Al Sharpton as a loud mouth who is always ready to start trouble, and I can admit that many times I would get tired of listening to him speak. HOWEVER, after seeing him in person and listening to his perspectives on Obama's run for president, areas of our past that we need to leave behind, race relations, classism in the black community, and leadership among our youth, I enjoy listening to him and appreciate his zeal for the people. I appreciate anyone who isn't afraid to make others uncomfortable in the pursuit of equality. I'm sure many of you watched it on C-Span, so I don't need to go into detail about all of the panelists.
One thing that stuck with me was the notion of being DIGNIFIED. I thought about ways I could be more dignified. Do I downplay my dignity in order to not make others feel less than?

As many of you know I want to teach special ed. (emotional and behavioral disorders) as soon as possible. Most of these children aren't bad. They just need someone who actually cares to empower them. I know there will be tough days, and I am alright with that. Unfortunately, many of the students in special education classes are mislabeled African American youth. Last night I thought about my future students. I pondered over ways to give them a sense of dignity. I brainstormed tactics I need to use in order to make African American history real to them. How could I get them to see that they are more than what others tell them they are, and that they are more than what they see. How could I show them the things that they can't see right now....like if they just press forward and hold on they'll get over this mountain. How could I do all of this with while sticking to a rigid school district or state curriculum? I planned to teach in a "safe" school district. Maybe I need to teach in Newark, New Orleans, or Houston....places that are in need of teachers who can teach and who actually care about the well-being of students traumatized by natural disaster. Teachers who actually care about the well-being of students who act out by trying to control other students and teachers with threats and violence simply because on inside they feel out of control due to what's going on in their violent environment. I don't know.......... But I do know that I have great work to do................... Want to join me?

The comments that I get from people when I tell them that yeah I work here, but I really want to teach are crazy......

Oh, you must really be looking for a rich husband

Why, I mean Why?

Just a teacher?

After a long pause while trying to figure out why....Umm, I think you'll make a great teacher

Are you sure?

How much do they make now?

Kids are bad. Are you sure?

So I mean, I bet you are looking for a rich husband

You're too nice and soft to deal with those type of kids {one day people will stop mistaking grace for weakness and understand the true definition of an effective leader}

You are going to need a rich husband!

You are going to need a rich husband!!

You are going to need a rich husband!!!

This just in.....some of the freakiest women are church girls who are teachers, and I have friends who have been with them.... they act one way and do another and no one really knows. [I wondered why that conversation with his friend was the first thing that came to his mind when I said I wanted to teach. I told the people that I lead by example. People who aren't living according to the word of God are ineffective in bringing others to Christ. I'm not going out like that. I won't give you the joy of calling me a hypocrite. You can't have it. The games were over once I gave my life to God, and I am reaping so many blessings, including peace. Just because people go to church does not mean they are moral or are submitted to God. In many cases it just means they are "churchy" ].

I guess you just have to love people, even when they think like this. What cracks me up even more is that some of the people who make these comments earn the same salary as a first year public school teacher. They are just able to mask it under their job title. There are others who make these comments, but they hate their jobs. I've also been blessed to receive TONS of love, encouragement, and prayer that I am in my purpose. Thank you!!!

My response to these crazy questions and comments is derived from the rules of the little red rubber ball.....

We all have a big bouncy neon ball in our life. I like to think if it as a big bouncy neon ball rather than a little red rubber ball. Big, because I only think in terms of greatness. Bouncy, because it will take me from one domain to the next. Neon, because it signifies brightness.

My dear, think back to being in K-mart or a toy store when you were little and seeing the cage full of those huge neon balls. Do they even make them anymore? Our ball is the thing that we do that doesn't feel like work, because we love it so much. It's also the thing that we would loose sleep over and work extra hours for because we are so passionate about it. That ball bounces us into different domains, with each domain being greater than the last. Success isn't an option when we stick to our big bouncy neon ball. My ball (purpose) is youth. I will be happy and great, as long as I focus on educating and motivating youth. During one season of my life I may teach, followed by a season of administration. During the next season I may bounce into motivational speaking. After that I may bounce into establishing a leadership program or even a school of greatness for youth who others gave up on. Later, I may bounce into child advocacy. I may even bounce into motivating and encouraging parents. My dear, I will be happy as long as I center my career aspirations on youth. I'm not concerned about money, because I know I'll be just fine. Although to others things in my life may look bleak, I can see where I'm going to be (faith) and that is one of the greatest feelings!!! Lord, I thank you for the things you've already done.

Let your purpose bounce you into GREATNESS!!!

I love you!!