Happy New Year!!! I spent New Year's Eve and Day in the company of close friends, and I loved every moment of it. On Monday a friend invited a couple of people to his place to watch the USC andMichigan game. During the watch night sermon my pastor discussed how seven is a number of completion and how 2007 is going to be a year of completion. I thought about the things in my life that need to be completed and the things that I need to do a 360. I need messed up family members to get right. I need to get all aspects of my life (including the physical, financial, and spiritual) in more order. I need to make sure that I'm living in my purpose. We are currently fasting for 40 days. Although it's uncomfortable, it's not as bad as it seems. The first 10 days are water only. M., Thank you for your support through this period.
It's only day three, and I already feel junk leaving me. Just when I thought I was alright, I saw that there are so many more things I need to work on. There are people I failed to pray for. There are people I need to apologize to for actions that may have hurt them. There are people who I let bother me, but I can't fall down to their level by holding unforgiveness. I want a kind heart and to be able to do a better job of loving those who hurt me. I need to forgive myself for past actions that weren't that Godly instead of feeling guilty. Most importantly, I want to be the woman of influence that God has called me to be. I can see where I want to be, but getting there is battle I promise to keep fighting.
I thought about some of my previous challenging life processes:
- Two-parent family to a single-parent family trying to make ends meet
- Single- parent family trying to make ends meet to a family with a comfortable lifestyle
- An outspoken and lively little girl to a quiet and bashful teen
- Shy and awkward girl to a woman who is comfortable in her skin
- IG to an AKA
- Single to a relationship
- Relationship to single
- Unsaved to saved
- Not fearing the unimaginable to lying in a hospital bed not knowing my future.
- Saved to Lord I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep my trust in you during the hard times, but I'm glad I did
- A worrier and perfectionist to a "go with the flow" type of person
- Satisfied with who I am to pushing myself to exceed my own expectations
These processes made me a better woman, even though I couldn't see it during the uncomfortable and grueling times. I am able to look back and say there's a reason for everything. I have a feeling that the struggles I am going through now and the junk that is being removed are preparing me for the process of becoming a woman who greatly impacts her community, a wife, and a mother.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him [James 1:12].
Lord, I thank you for these processes. Thank you for the things you've already done, even though I can't see them right now.
