Girlfriends and Gumbo...........

I know that title sounds like part two to the movie Ya Ya Sisterhood or the sequel to the book Sunday Brunch, but I had such a great time hanging out with some girlfriends while eating gumbo for brunch. My friend , a New Orleans native, hosted the event and her gumbo was great. The five of us ate, reviewed the Sean Combs and Kim Porter article in Essence, watched Something New, and just talked. My favorite part of the article is when Sean says he knows Kim deserves to be married, but he's not ready. Kim says she's content with not being married, even though she will have a total of three of his children. Her reason for being satisfied with the situation is that most marriages don't work out so why label it and that her parent’s marriage didn't work out. I wondered if she was really "okay" with not being married or if her reason for not pushing the issue is solely based out of fear that she couldn't have a decent marriage. One of Sean's main reasons for not wanting to get married is that he doesn't have time to be a good husband. I wondered if he thought he had time to be a good father. After reading the article my respect for Kim increased a "tinch", but I wish people and television shows would stop covering them like their situation is hot. If this was a regular Joe and a regular Jane in the same situation I think the media would call Jane a baby's mama and Joe would just be one of the many men who get the milk for free. Anywho, the article resulted in great conversation.

After talking about that article I felt so thankful that I was able to be healed from the hurt and pain from my parent's divorce. Even with all that my family went through, I couldn't imagine going into relationship thinking it will not work out because my parent's marriage didn't work. I don't think that every man is going to hurt me. I spent most of my teens and college years fearing marriage, but after going through the healing process I now look forward to married life with a traditional marriage. I cover my ears remarks like "girl make sure you have a savings account on the side in case it doesn't work out" or "always keep an emergency apartment or condo just in case....". I can't live my life like that and anyone who does has no faith and much fear. If we really felt like we had to take those precautions going into a marriage, then the person we plan to marry isn't the one for us. I refuse to let divorce control my love life or prevent me from being loved and honored by a man. I wish Kim and others like her would stop making comments like that and heal. I know it isn't always easy to let go and heal, but it sure beats being controlled by divorce or the mistakes your parents made. I used to feel like I was so different from or less than people who grew up in a two-parent family, but I don't feel like that anymore. I guess I'm brand new =). Something special happens when we refuse to let negative circumstances control our destiny.