A Beautiful Life

2008-04-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been a while since I've blogged. There have been quite a few changes in my life. Well, first, I got engaged a couple of months ago. I'm getting married to a wonderful and Godly man who I just love and am hot for!!!! I know this is only because I fell in love with God and myself first and found my purpose in life. Because I stood on God's principlebs, I attracted a man who believes in what I believed and treats me the way I see myself. We are so excited and blessed. Just wait and see what the Lord is going to do in our relationship and how He's going to use us.

Being engaged or planning for marriage is work, but of course it doesn't compare to the work in marriage. We finished premarital counseling, and it was a special time and intimate time for us. This whole engagement period is a special and intimate time. I don't know how anyone could get married without it or how any so called Christian would go into a marriage without biblical counseling. Planning a wedding is work too, but to be honest, I'm more focused on my future marriage. We just want to be with each other and we rush through wedding planning conversations so we can talk about us and have fun. It's cute. I just love this man, and he loves me.

When I first started blogging, I wrote about being a single Christian woman. I could give advice, because I was single for 26 years. I had experience and knew what I knew to be true. I want the same to be true for marriage. It will be years, like a decade, before I profess to know anything about married life. But when that time comes, I know I'll have much to share and much experience. Who knows how God will use my marriage to teach others. However, I still plan to blog about issues Christian woman face and our walk, and share my personal walk. Stay tuned....
Love you!

2008-02-14T05:37:00.000-08:00

Love Is In the Air

Happy Valentine's Day!

Lord, I'm so thankful that you brought me to you. I'm so thankful that you allowed the circumstances for me to fall in love with you, because I know that through your love I saw the kind man and friends I needed in my life. Lord I love you, and you are my love song. Lord I praise you.

Lord, I thank you for the love of my family and friends. I thank you for unconditional love, honesty, and forgiveness. Who will ever love me like you do?

Lord, I praise you for the wonderful man you've sent in my life. You said that if I trusted in you and delighted myself in you, that you would grant the desires of my heart. Lord, I bow down to you, because you've allowed me to be found by a man who loves you in a world that is against your rules. These last seven months have been full of growth and really just practice for what you've called us to do in marriage. We honor you, and we thank you Lord for allowing the cirucmstances for us to meet.

Ladies, people laughed when I described the kind of man that I wanted. They said that he didn't exist, but I knew what God told me. And I knew what I needed. Some said that I should have held on to the man I dated who wasn't good for me, because he was better than having no one at all. If you are in a place where you are being strung along, giving your body to someone who isn't committed to you by law, or are begging for your man to propose, I urge you to leave and get hooked up with God first. That man who is bringing you uneasiness could be blocking you from the true blessing that God has for you. Don't be afraid to let go. I can speak on this because I've been there. I know that letting go isn't always easy, but I can tell you that the reward is GREAT!!!

Love, Be Loved, and Give Love,

Z.

2007-10-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

So, I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful Christian man for about 4 months now. Anything that I ever went through in the past with guys was worth it if it meant that it was preparing me for the man in my life now. I haven’t written on the topic in a while, because it’s taken me a while to process everything. Let’s just say that when God moves, he moves. I’ve said it and heard it over and over again that while statistics say that 75% of African American women will never marry, the Lord grants the desires of 100% of the people who serve and are submitted to Him. He doesn’t lie.

This has truly been an amazing experience. I knew this was a man after God’s heart when:

I never had to ask where is this going, because he knows the exact dates of when we met, when we became exclusive, when he plans to propose, and he even has a financial plan for us in marriage. Ladies, when this is the man God has placed before you it’s not a matter of if we get married, but when we get married. This man brings up most of the conversations about marriage, because he is a planner.

I was to too and not the you, as in he said I love you first.

I don’t open car doors or pull out my own seat in his presence. To be honest, I don’t really lift a finger. He treats me like I’m a rare jewel. As a matter of fact, he calls me that.

He’s seen my weaknesses, heard my cries, and has even been through those irritable times of the month, and he still can’t get enough of me.

He respects my limits and even has his own, so nothing goes past kissing. Ladies, I realized that the guys that in the past couldn’t handle the no sex rule, because they didn’t see themselves marrying me anytime soon. They were probably thinking that they would be dating me 3 to 5 years without sex. Lol. But see this man, knows that within a year and half it will be all his, so he’s not even sweating it. He is a man with a plan.

He knows my thoughts before I say them. When I don’t know what to do about conflicts we may experience, I go to God, and it is so evident that this man is open to God, because it’s as if God tells him the very things I desire.

We started praying together every night after we became serious. He knows my needs. It’s beautiful. We were approaching a period where we wanted to make sure that we should continue dating. We wanted to hear God clearly about one another, so we fasted. We ended up on a completely different level after the fast. We are closer to each other and to God.

My car broke down on a highway and he was right there and even said that if I couldn’t get a car I could use his and he’d find friends to get him around.

I’ve accepted his weaknesses. We communicate well, so there isn’t much conflict. We talk things out and listen to each other.

I’m growing closer to God in this relationship. God is changing and molding me. I continue to die to myself.

His family feels at peace with me, and my family feels at peace with him.

The calling God has placed in my heart to pursue ministry work is louder than ever. The same is true for him. I feel that we are going to be a great force. God is working on us, and I accept the trials that come our way, because I know what the end result will be.

He desires our relationship to be an example to others. I do too. We have similar backgrounds and are striving to be that marriage that our family tree has never seen before.

So many other great things happened in my life as were dating. He didn’t take away from the quality of my life at all.

I feel so covered and safe.

I didn’t feel like I always had to put my best foot forward. I felt so comfortable letting him see all sides of me.

Before all this happened, I had a feeling that a man was coming soon. I just had no clue who this person would be. It was a surprise, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure what to do about it. I thank the person who told me that I better go out with this man or else I would greatly regret it. Thank you!

2007-09-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

Hello,

It's been over a month since my last post. Things have been going very well. I suppose I've been a busy body, so finding time to stop and write something meaningful has been difficult. I am now teaching and in school. It's been a month, and I am still adjusting to everything. There's so much I need to get out of my head and on to this blog about my experiences teaching, my walk, and dating the Christian way, and I promise to do that soon. I love you!!

2007-08-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

I would be lying if I told you that your life as a saved person will always be happy. You should always possess joy, but you will experience grief, despair, heartache, and even anger. The truth is that just like the weather, seasons in our lives change. Even Jesus had to go to the garden to be alone. However, shortly after that "season," he resurrected and went from glory to glory. I believe that the key to surviving the dry seasons is knowing that "trouble don't last always," and living as if we are in and envisioning our harvest season. We must not let dry or cold seasons block us from our birthright to be heirs to the throne.

Today, I'm in a good season. The things that I believed for last winter and spring arrived this summer. I survived the rough times by knowing that my dry seasons couldn't and wouldn't last forever, because God had things to do. It was not in His purpose for me to stay in a season of lack.

I am also cognizant of the fact that my good season isn 't going to last forever. It could change tomorrow, so I've got to arm myself with the Word and the Lord's truths to be protected from the drought when it arrives. If you are in a dry season, know that it could change tomorrow! Thank you Lord for all you've done for me. Praise is my weapon. I'll live as if the kingdom depended on me, no matter the season.

2007-07-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

This is a Christian blog, so what I am about to say may sound different from what we are used to to hearing on finding, I mean being found by a man, and being in a healthy relationship and marriage. If he is cheating on you or abuses you, then you are not in a healthy relationship. There is no need to make it work if you are not married. The world says that 74% of African American women are single. Single includes women who are dating, but not married. However, the Word says to commit to the Lord in whatever you do, and your plans will succeed (Proverbs 16:3 NIV). It may not happen when or the way we want it to happen, but it will happen when we surrender to Him. I now know that there is a pattern to being found by a man after God’s heart

I fell in love with the Lord and gave Him my everything.

I served others more.

I forgave those who hurt me. God showed me that he wasn't going to bring a good man my way until I proved I could forgive those who hurt me the most, including my father.

I fought to get into my purpose, and took leaps of faith even when it didn't look
like the position was going to come up.

I submitted myself to the authority of Godly women who could provide sound counsel
and show me the ways of the kingdom.

I decided to crucify my my flesh, including the worry, doubt, envy, and fear.

I gave even when I didn't have to give.

I began doing things a woman in a relationship or marriage would have to do, even though I had no one.

I took time to nuture my appearance.

I kept the faith that God would grant all of the desires of my heart.

I will continue to do all of the above things for the rest of my life.
It's only after taking care of these things that the saved man we
hoped for can find us. We would mess it up if he came before then. Ladies, a man who is looking for a wife observes. He watch from afar before he makes his move. We never know who is observing us in hopes of wanting to get to know more about us. What would the men observing us say? I know these things because I've dated in the world and conceded on God's promises. Now I'm in a relationship with someone kingdom minded.

2007-07-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. Vacation bible school week, work, socializing, and trying to learn as much as I can from women who are where I want to be has kept me busy. I don't mind being busy. I am open to their advice in career/purpose, love, marriage, and appearance. Ladies,it's ok to try to look attractive. Many of the women in the bible underwent months of beauty treatments before they were presented to their husbands and/or were praised for their beauty. Let's not forget that men are physical. I know a feminist reading this right now wants to talk to me =). If you want a king, you have to be a queen. I received some great make-up advice and with the help of my mentor and a friend added a few items to my wardrobe. There comes a time in all of our lives when we have to step up our game. Life is good. Life is beautiful! There's been some excitement (wink).

2007-06-25T13:21:00.001-07:00

I received this in a foward........

Golden Rules for Finding/Keeping Your Life Partner

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage:

(1) You can grow together, or

(2) You can grow apart

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line. . .marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

- Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

- Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your Significant Other . . . What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and........

(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the
people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them?

You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective. ...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance .... It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention... . Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye". Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't
really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

** Numero Uno - God - Putting God First in the relationship

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace it.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

2007-06-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

A Must Read....

That's Enough Sin by The Sojourner

http://truthjourney.blogspot.com/

2007-06-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to touch Jesus, but who is really touching him with faith?

A Dead Girl and a Sick Woman
(Luke 8: 40-56 NIV)

40Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. 41Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house 42because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years,[d] but no one could heal her. 44She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
45"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."
46But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."
47Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."
49While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," he said. "Don't bother the teacher any more."50Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed."
51When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child's father and mother. 52Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep."
53They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. 54But he took her by the hand and said, "My child, get up!" 55Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat. 56Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened.

2007-06-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

Have a Happy Father’s Day!

I also send special love to men who are mentoring, teaching, and serving as spiritual fathers. You don't have to make time for other people's children, but you do. Thank you! Thank you Lord, the ultimate father.

2007-06-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

Life Is Simple:

Just Love, Be Loved, and Love Some More!!!!

2007-06-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Seriously people, you all have some great blogs, and I love reading them and the comments that people leave on your blogs. I love reading them to the point that I'm somewhat distracted from doing other things, like working =). Thanks for teaching me about you.

2007-06-07T05:52:00.001-07:00

The New "F" Words

Be Faithful

Be Focused

Move Forward

Show Fruit

2007-06-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

For a time such as this...

It's been a while since I've written from my heart. I suppose that much of it has to do with the fact that lately I've been feeling like I have nothing to say. It's as if I've been silenced. My heart wants to speak, but nothing comes out of my mouth. It's even taking a lot to write this. This started happening last month. I can't really explain it. I asked God to humble me and to increase wisdom, grace, meekness, and patience. I beleive He's doing and did just that for a time such as this.

This week I feel like I'm in the fight of my life for my life as I am trying to make a career change. There have been many random occurences in the form of negative people, making negative comments, and doing negative things. My heart feels heavy, but I haven't said anything or reacted negatively. God silenced me for a time such as this so I would just smile and let things go in one ear and out the other. He also silenced me so that I wouldn't become upset or call home for money when an unexpected financial matter arose. Instead He urged me to give, even when I didn't really have it and to sit still. The money was returned to me in a check a family member sent just because. Call me crazy, but everyday when I go to my mailbox, I beleive that there's a check in there for me with a note that says,"just because." Last year, I started believing for a random check in the mail for a million dollars, but then I realized that I need a check for billions of dollars to help and bless people the way I want to. So I now beleive for billions. A million would barely be enough for me =).

Every time I try to go to another level in life or make an important change, negative things start to occur, usually the week before. It's usually an illness, cold, or family drama, but this time it's been people and distractions. The great thing is that I'm aware of this pattern, so I"m able to walk through it already knowing why this happens. I knew this week would be weird, so I prayed about it beforehand. I'm able to stand, because I'm sure of the things hoped for and are not yet seen.

In addition to trying to make a career change, I'm also about to end a six month spiritual fast on June 13. The fast is centered around Knight In Shining Armor by Christian author P. Bunny Wilson. It's not one of those how to get a man books; rather it's more about surrendering to God, being intimate with Him, healing past wounds, how we want the Lord to view us, and living in excellence. The author stresses the importance of taking care of those things before one gets married, and she also discusses questions to consider when choosing a mate. During the 6 months the reader must abstain from dating, courting, and "talking to" guys, so that she can focus on the Lord's will for her life and get her life in order. My life has changed dramatically. In December, I started with a list of things that I wanted to change during the 6 months. All but one are are checked off. Yeah!!!! The other is on it's way. I haven't been on a date during this time, and I was able to cut ties with guys who weren't husband material (at least not for me). It was not lonely at all, and the quiet times really allowed me to find clarity about the direction of my life. I highly recommend this book. I'm excited about reaching this milestone, so of course the devil is going to try to trip me up before I get there. The saying new level, new devil is so true.

So although things are a little hazy, I stand because I'm sure of the things hoped for and are not yet seen.

Speaking of dating...I've been silent in that area too, and God is doing something different. I'm honest about this....Before I was saved, I would meet a guy, and we would go on a date. Before the date, there was usually a phone conversation in which the basics were discussed (where are you from, what do you do, are you married =), etc). Notice that God was not discussed, and the highlight was what he did for a living (so sad, I know). I confess that after the first phone call, I would be planning out my future with this guy. Seriously, I would think, "OK, he does x, y, and z, so he probably makes this amount, which means I could stay home after the children come, or I couldn't stay home when the children come, or maybe I'll be able to work part time. In my mind I had a picture of what life would be like with this guy. I'd tell my friends about my new excitement. Then during the first date, I would be so dissappointed that the guy I made him to be in my head, was not the guy presented before me. On top of that, I had to go back to my friends and tell them why he wasn't the one. What a mess.

Some people were trying to play matchmaker. I don't have any updates on that, but I realized how much I grew in that area. I realized that God silenced me for a time such as this. I didn't get overly excited and go into girlish romantic thoughts about the future. I didn't have much to say. God is doing this so my thoughts and expectations won't get ahead of me in my future dealings with guys, and so that I can see them for who they really are. His relationship with God and others has replaced the rank of what he does for a living. Lord, forgive me for being so shallow. Thank you for fixing that in my life. I"ve also fallen in love with the Lord, and I love myself.

Love and Be loved,

Z

2007-05-29T07:55:00.001-07:00

I came across an article that really touched me..........
DEVOTIONAL
A Well Tilled Garden
By Cathy Irvin

CBN.com -- Ever pictured your home as a well tilled garden? If you think of a home as a garden it can be whatever you put into it, as well as what you take out of it.

Remember the story in Matthew 13 about the wheat and the tares, sometimes known as the sower and the seeds parable? Jesus is the sower and the field is the world. He sows good seeds but the enemy of our souls sows bad seeds.

We can relate to this story and bring it down to our daily life and say we are either sowing daily those good seeds like the wheat or bad seeds like those rotten old weeds in our homes.

However, unlike this story in the bible where both the wheat and tares remain until the harvest we have to get the weeds out now! They are choking the life out of families today.

What are these weeds or tares? They are seeds of contention and strife. We must begin now to till our garden in our home and sow seeds of love and kindness instead of all the hostility and unkind words. We have to get those bad seeds out and sow love, peace and joy in their place.

James 3:16 (Amp) says,

"For wherever there is jealousy (envy) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices."

I heard an interview on the radio about disciplining unruly children and how oftentimes the cause of these children’s behavior problems are “learned behavior”. They went on to on to say that 99.9% comes from the home life.

We must be ambassadors of Christ’s love to our family members. We have to be the living epistles because the gospel must be seen by our actions and words. It is first in Jerusalem, (meaning our home) Judah, (our city and community) and then to the uttermost parts of the world.

How can we change and sow the good seeds? God tells us how in His word.

Romans 12:2 (Amp) says,

"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]."

We can’t take strife and contention to the fields (God’s world) we must take seeds of peace and hope. If we can’t get it together with our own little garden in our home it may be time for us all to do some tilling right where we are planted.

2007-05-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

I Don't Look Like What I've Been Through

My mother and brothers are on vacation in the Virgin Islands for Memorial Day weekend. Before they, left my mom sent a picture of me in the V.I. I think I was two or three. In the E-mail she asked me what happened to the little girl who never feared anything. She said I wasn't afraid of the ocean or it's contents. She said I ran toward it, and kept trying to go as far as I could. The woman in the background is my grandmother, and she doesn't swim.

To be honest, I guess life just happened. Things happen that can wear away at us. Before we know it we are not the person who God created us to be. However, through the grace of God we are restored. So many things happened between that time and below on my 25th birthday. There was joy, but there were also many trials, tribulations, pain, insecurities, and uncertainty. I now see how the devil set up strategic traps, so that I would fail, but God kept me. It's funny how we can go from a God designed life to living a life of death. My 25th birthday was something that I never took for granted, because I realized that I almost didn't make it to see age 25. When you hear me say that I'm still standing, I really mean that I'm still standing. It was also around the first time in my life that I remember being truly confident.

So many things happened between the day of my 25th birthday, and later that year in the picture below. Many changes took place, many habits were broken, many yokes were broken, and ties were cut, but I wasn't really where I needed to be. I was still outside of God's purpose for my life. I chose the last two pictures, because I can vividly remember the thoughts that I had about the direction of my life on those days.

So-o-o many things have happened between this picture and 26. So many things have happened between that picture and today. I can testify that when God is in your life there are no limits or boundaries to where He'll take you. I don't look like what I've been through, and it's all because of God's grace. I'm not fully where I want to be, and I'm humbled knowing that I am always a work in progress, but I've stepped into God's purpose for my life. His grace is more than enough for me, and I constantly thank Him for the patience He has built in me during my trials. I am thankful that I am open to helping others learn from my experiences.

What ever happened to the little girl who never feared anything? She disappeared for a little while, but she's back!

2007-05-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

This Isn’t Infatuation

I love waking up embraced by you.
You make me feel so secure.
I hold on to you and pray that you don’t let go.
I turn to you and greet you with a smile.
My love, I’m honored that you chose me.
Our journey has been worthwhile.

I love the way you take care of me,
And make sure my every need is met.
You’ve truly upgraded me,
And I am so well-kept.

Many women dream of being rescued by a knight,
But you actually saved me,
And you told me that if I got with you,
That everything would be alright.
You told me to never worry or fear,
For my battles you will fight.
My love, you make me feel so safe.

Many women dream of being chosen by a prince.
They spend a lifetime grooming and preparing,
hoping to be a princess.
Well the king chose me, even when I looked a mess.
Because of your favor and love for me,
I am now a royal heiress.
I bow down before you my king.

My love, I surrender my body to you.
I submit to your every request.
I love your leadership.
You cover me best.
How can I serve you my love?
Sure, if it so pleases the king.

I love our walk, the way we talk, the way you treat others,
And how you listen to me.
I love how you never break your promises.
My love, you set me free.

No one can love me the way that you do.
You know me so well.
I couldn’t hide anything from you.
You are my love and my friend.

I know that a man will be in love with me,
And I will be in love with him too,
But Lord I know that his love,
Won’t compare to the love of you.
I know that people love me, and I love them too,
But Lord I know that their love,
Just doesn't compare to the love of you.
Lord, I love you.
Lord, I'm in love with you.

2007-05-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Fun and Funny...

Amber and I had a great time last weekend. We ate, talked, relaxed, laughed, went to restaurants, the mall, book stores, and ate some more. We were old ladies in the sense that we watched the food network and home and garden, read books, and tried a few recipes. We both love watching Run's House. It was fun. She is my oldest friend, and it was so good to see each other.

Yesterday, I had so-o-o much fun. I went to a softball game. I went to a Bobcats and Wizards game (Gilbert Arenas =), ok let me stop) last fall, but it's been a while since I 've been to an outdoor sporting event. The game was intense: it rained, a verbal altercation, a loosing teams first win of the season, and the teams played with heart. Did I say it rained? I didn't even care that may hair and clothes were wet. I was having fun. Plus I got to meet some new people. Sometimes we let little things like keeping our hair style prevent us from having fun or swimming (my people, my people). Life is too short. Have fun!

Last week I had the pleasure of being hit on by two men. One appeared to be in his 60s and the other was 47. Number one approached me in Wal-mart saying he had seen me before. He asked if I was married. When I said no he asked if he could take me out. I declined. Then he said he was looking for a FRIEND. I said I wasn't interested. Inside I felt embarrassed. There were people watching this foolishness. Number two also said he saw me before. I was very uncomfortable, so I started answering his questions as "yes Sir" and "no Sir" so he would get the hint that I noticed there was an age difference, and I was not into him. He told me not to call him Sir because he was only 47. I looked at his hand and saw a ring. He gave me his card and told me to call him sometime. Once again, I was embarrassed. With number 2 my stomach was in knots. I felt that there was just something perverse about this man. Later the self conscious part of me wanted to know if there was something that I was putting out that made these creepy men think it was okay to approach me. I was actually saddened. A friend told me to calm down. She explained that I appear soft, quiet, and nice, and perverse people see that as a weakness and as someone they can take advantage of. She said of course they would have been surprised that I'm really not quiet, but that's all it is. I understand, and I will not trade in my gentleness, but it made me think of all the women and men who act hard, but really aren't, because they fear being taken advantage of. I also thought about how so many times we know that something just isn't quite right about a person, but we date that person, marry that person, let that person around our children, or do business with that person. We have to trust our God given instincts.

2007-05-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Under the Surface...

We know that God is at work under the surface plotting, planning, positioning, and removing details in our lives. We know that we cannot fully fathom God's ways, but we trust that His ways make sense to Him and for His greater good. It's not a secret that I feel so out of my purpose at my current job and that it takes a lot of motivation in the morning to go to work. It's not that my job is bad; it's just not me. I'm fine once I'm here, but before then it takes work. Working outside of our purpose is death, and I will not do that again. I am excited to be teaching. Well I now know that God has kept me at my current place of work this long so that I would meet a special person. No, not my husband =), but a woman after His heart.

I knew she was saved the first day I met her. There was just something about her. Later just to be safe I said, "I don't know what your religious background is, but I'd like to invite you to a conference my church is having." She laughed, because she already knew who I trusted in. Little did I know that she had been there before and likes it. She will only be in NC for a little while and plans to move back home. I feel like God wanted to make sure that I could recognize His children and help them in times of need. It feels like we've known each other forever. We have a hard time working, because we want to talk. She is very wise, and I feel like God positioned her in my life to show me where He's trying to take me in my walk with Him. She has taught me so much, and to watch her fast and pray and be full of faith through her tough times in life and marriage humbles and encourages me. She does not crumble. I"m not trying to get all spookey deep, but I really wanted to share this. I can't even articulate everything God has revealed in our friendship.

Readers, I know it seems like I talk a lot about relationships and my future husband. Yes, I want to teach and encourage and have a beautiful spirit, but wife is also in my purpose. It's something I just know, and He confirms it so much. My husband is going to be great. It's not just going to be a marriage, but a ministry. People will wonder how we can be together for so long and still love and like each other. We are also going to touch and change lives, and the world is not ready for our children. This morning she left a note on my desk from something she saw that read: A woman should be so hidden in God that only a man seeking God can find her.
Enough said.

A childhood friend is coming to visit this weekend, and I am too excited. We met in the third grade. We went to different grade schools, but we lived in the same neighborhood. At that time there was only a few black families living there. We were both the only black person in our classes. I would look out the window as she rode her bike. My parents would say, "why don't you go play with the black girl." Little did I know that she would watch me as I rode my bike, and her parents would say the same thing. Then she would ride her bike to my house and just stare at it. I would ride my bike to her house and just stare at it. We were too shy to knock on the door. One day we were outside at the same time and the rest is history. We haven't seen each other in 5 years, so it will be great to catch up. I think she will be married soon, so I have a feeling God is at work under the surface allowing us to spend quality time before she goes to the next level.

2007-04-30T06:16:00.000-07:00

Birthday Reflections...

Lord,

You are my EVERYTHING!! I love you. I will always glorify you. Your praise shall continuously be in my mouth. Thank you for allowing me to be here another year to serve you. Thank you for allowing me to see myself the way you see me. I will always honor your promises and word and not grow tired and weary in waiting for your promises. You said that those who put their hope in you will soar on wings like eagles. Lord, I thank you for the position I asked for. I thank you for taking me to another level in my walk with you. I thank you for the relationships you have brought into my life and for the relationships you have mended and restored. Lord, thank you for stretching my faith and humbling me. Thank you for making me your princess. I will not break your heart. I love you! I love you! I love you!

2007-04-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

Praise Him In Advance........

When I think about where God is taking me, all I can say is wow and thank you Lord. I feel this covering over me that I didn't feel five years ago. I can embrace every trial whether big or small, because I see how he molds me with each one. I love my life. I enjoy my life. I even began to love living in the Triangle once I found a church home and other things to do besides finding a party. This is home. It's fabulous. I feel so complete and beautiful. The more I give, the more I receive. The more I love, the more I am loved. Even if I wasn't loved or receiving, I would still give and love. This excitement for life is so hard to contain. It wakes me out of my sleep at night. I just love my life! You could not pay me to go back to a life without submission to God's word.

For the last two months I've been taking a class at my church on discovering our God given gifts. I scored high on the gifts of exhortation and compassion. Knowing this has changed my life. I was unable to articulate why I felt so uneasy in my doctoral program and was unfulfilled in research. My GPA was high, I was funded, and I had a good mentor, but I just knew I had to leave. I couldn't really explain why. I would just say things like, "This isn't me. I think I need to be working directly with people or get a doctorate degree in something applied." After taking this class, I learned that exhorters generally don't like to do research, but they'll apply it. They love to encourage, motivate, and give steps to solving problems. That is so me!!!! If only I had taken this class before grad school or even college =). Hannah and Junior (don't act like I'm the only women who has thought of her children's names before she was married) are so going to take something like this while they are in college, if not before. I am just too excited about life! Things are just starting to click, and I see how God is placing me in His purpose.

I am turning the Big 26 on Monday. Life goes by so fast. I know I am not that old, but it just feels like one day I woke up, and I was going on 26. I can't describe it. To be honest, I didn't really want to do anything for my birthday. Then I decided something simple would suffice. My friend M., is rounding up the troops and we are going to let down our hair down and pig out at Coldstone. I know we are all trying to "preserve the sexy," as Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days would say, but it's okay to indulge every now and then.

I love you, and remember God will do what He said He would do!

Beauty for Ashes (Continued)
Beauty is a Dance
By Laura Bagby

CBN.com – Author Angela Thomas, a self-confessed wallflower for much of her youth, tackles this issue of self-worth and God's love in her book Do You Think I Am Beautiful? The Question Every Woman Asks (Thomas Nelson, February 2003). Foundational to a woman's concept of acceptance is her right standing with God. Angela depicts this right relationship with our Heavenly Father as a magnificent dance in which God calls us out to the center of the dance floor and enables us to joyfully partake in a lifelong dance, resting in His strength and protection and confidence.

By discussing what can hinder women from dancing in the arms of God and describing the true fulfillment that awaits women who choose to dance, Angela sets out to free women from wrong thinking so that they can be all that God has called them to be.

Earlier this year I got a chance to talk with Angela, and I found her to be a beautiful and compassionate woman. What follows is the discussion we had about what it really means to be beautiful.

Could you explain your definition of beauty? It is obviously not just skin deep.

I dont think the beautiful that a woman longs for is all about body image. The beautiful that a woman longs for is about complete acceptance. Do you see the flaws of me and the scars of me? Do you see my wounds? Do you see what I am really good at and what I stink at? Now do you want me? Does anybody still want to call me beautiful in all that? That is my take on what a woman truly longs for in regard to beauty. Some days it does get confused with all the body stuff. It is hard to mention beautiful in regard to women and not get that all confused.

Beauty is one of the things that we as females long for. Why do you think that is?

I think it is by design. I truly believe that God wired us as women to long for beauty and to long to be known as beautiful. Why would He wire us to long for beautiful and then require us to pursue plain, or to shut down all those desires and every longing and say, I dont really long for that, I dont really desire that?

I spent a lot of years running away from that, pretending that I was strong enough and smart enough and together enough that all that stuff didnt really matter. But it does matter.

You went through a really hard time where you were just before the Lord, God, I just need to know how you feel about me. Talk a little bit about that experience.

When everything else falls away and all the props that you have depended on or leaned on and all the pretending, when all of that goes away, and there is no one else to call, and there is no more e-mail to read, and there is no one who is coming, and it is finally, me and God, then that is where the title for this book came from. Thats where everything kind of broke, and it was, Oh, God, do you think I am beautiful? Can you see me now? Obviously, He had seen me the whole time, but I was a big mess. So I asked, God, what do you think of me now? Do you still want me? I would understand if you sent me to the back of the line.' But God doesnt do that. There are deeper lessons of grace that you dont even know your life is going to take you to.

Women are taught to smile and to look good. And that grace thing, especially in our culture, is not a big factor. So it is hard to think God is smitten with me, as you say in your book. How do you get past that to where you are saying I know that God loves me completely, no matter I do?

I think that for the rest of our lives, probably, Satan is going to whisper in our ears, Its not true. Its not true about you. Dont believe Him. Maybe it is true for that one, but it is certainly not true about you. God couldnt call you beautiful. You know the truth about yourself. Dont believe it. There is a battle that rages for your soul and for your mind because Satan doesnt want you to believe a word of it. In Psalm 45:11, God says, The King is enthralled with your beauty. To believe that that would be true of me is difficult, but then I get on my face before the Creator and I feel like I hear Him speaking to my heart, Just believe that what I say is true. How much stronger would you be? What kind of life would you live if you truly believed what I said about you? I think that is the fulcrum on which the rest of our lives turn as women. We can live our lives in this very weak place where we are not sure anyone sees us, believes in us, thinks of us, knows us, or notices us, or we can finally come to rest in the arms of God.

Confidence as a woman can be misinterpreted as this 'princess complex' that you talk about. It is OK to be a princess, but we train ourselves to think that isnt OK.

I have avoided everything that has to do with princess thinking all my life. I didnt want to be thought of as the woman with a princess complex, but you know, when I truly let my heart speak what is inside, would I like to be treated special? Yeah. Would I like to be seen and noticed and heard and even heard underneath the surface of what I am trying to say? Yeah. Is that a princess? If that is what you mean, yeah, I would like that very much. I dont want to have the princess complex. I dont want people to think that the whole world should revolve around me because I know differently. I serve the Creator, yet He has wired each of us with this desire to be known.

Where did you come up with the idea that our relationship with God is meant to be a dance? God asks us, the wallflowers, onto the dance floor. We dont have to go pursuing; He pursues us. Talk about that.

It comes out of my own personal life. I tell the story about being the wallflower until I was in high school, and then for the first time ever being asked to dance and remembering so vividly what that felt like because even my friends and my peers, the guys that hung out with me in school, everyone knew me as the girl who never got asked to dance, the wallflower. Even though I made them laugh and we had fun together, I was certainly not going to be the one that anyone asked to dance.

The memory is so vivid of what it felt like to finally be seen across the room and validated that I had to believe that is how God thinks of us. I am imagining that God put that inside of me for a purpose, not for sin, not for ugliness, but just to delight in celebration and to enjoy what He has given as a gift.

I have four children, and as soon as they could pull themselves up and hold onto the sofa or a table, anything, any kind of music set them to dancing, wiggling, bopping and moving. No one ever taught them that. It just came pre-wired in them to giggle and move over a great delight. I looked at them and thought, This cant be wrong because it came wired in them. Obviously, I had nothing to do with their joy in their delight in dancing.

You talk about the distractions that keep us from dancing with God. Would you briefly go over some of those?

Some of them we just mentioned, like the whispers of unbelief. We can stay there for 20 or 30 years not believing that what God said of us is true. Then there are noises in our heads and clutter in our soulsthings that have come into our lives either by our own choosing or things that we never chose that happened to us and they havent been dealt with and they keep us from the dance.

Could you give an illustration of some of those things that we tell ourselves?

There are these questions like, Is this all there is? Is this really what God has for me? Have I missed something somehow? And then there are the questions that come from woundings. Did I deserve this? Maybe this is all I deserve. Maybe I am supposed to be a wallflower. That is what everyone has said of me. So many things come into our lives that clutter up our heads and keep us standing in the shadows believing that everyone else is supposed to dance but maybe we are supposed to stand back here with the noise that we have.

Sometimes we make choices that take us away from the dance, prodigal choices. Sometimes we stand around the edge of the room at the dance and act like the elder brother [in the parable of the Prodigal Son], who doesnt even hear the music and doesnt have any idea that he has been invited to dance in the arms of God.

Talk a little bit more about that prodigal son/elder brother concept. You gave some really good insights about that whole parable.

I think that it is a part of all of us. Sometimes I can be the prodigal, who takes everything the Father has given me and knowingly goes of to the distant country and squanders it right in the presence of God. And then sometimes I can be the elder brother, who stayed homeyou know, the good girl who made all the right choices, who still doesnt get it, doesnt get the heart of the Father, who doesnt hear the music, who doesnt know anything about grace. Grace was available the whole time, but I turned my back. Sometimes I can miss the dance because I have wandered away like the prodigal; sometimes I can be right in the room and not even know the music is playing because I am the elder brother with the snotty, judgmental attitude.

Once we get through those distractions and come into the presence of the Lord, what can we expect to get from that intimate dance with God?

Right there in the arms of God is where He envisioned us when He thought of us. There is strength and confidence and hope to wake up and face the day. We wake up with fear and trembling, or we wake up in strength based on where we are in relationship to God. When we are in His arms, content and peaceful, finding our strength there, knowing that we are protected, that we are following His lead, that we go where He guides us, it is kind of like we get to be the bride, truly, truly the Bride of Christ, the one who is beautiful, the one who is confident because she belongs to God.

That is a long way to go when you have gone through so many trials. And it sounds like you were going through trials when you wrote your book.

Yeah, and I dont know a woman who is not. I dont meet a woman ever who doesnt have a bag of ashes that she can choose to pick up and haul around every day.

So, it is a choice.

Either she is going to lay them at the foot of the Cross and ask our God to exchange what she carries with her for a crown of beauty, or she is going to haul it around.

That is good to know because sometimes we have this belief that we have to be perfect before we come to God.

That goes back to the whole prodigal thing. The prodigal came home empty and ugly and smelly and stinking and being a long way from the dance. The beauty of that is that even in the mess of that prodigal place, Scripture says that one day the prodigal came to his senses. It didnt mean that he came home perfect or changed or clean or in any other way right before the Lord. You and I are the same. We can just raise our heads and look back in the direction of home and the Father covers the distance between us: He runs toward us. We dont have to come without the ashes. He wants to take that sack of ashes and redeem them to be a crown of beauty. To hesitate, to wait because we are not perfect and we are not cleaned up and we still smell like a pig sty and we are hauling our stuff around will keep us waiting when the Father says, Turn. Just turn in My direction because I want to run to you.

I know in my own personal life, when I am going through trials sometimes it is the best plan to talk to other people, yet I think I have to be perfect and I have to have it altogether before I speak to women. I cant speak to all these women when I am struggling, but that is when people are most ministered to. Have you found that to be the case?

Ministry completely happens in the presence of honesty and vulnerability and transparency. When we are being the church ladies, I dont know that very much good happens or very much powerful happens. A lot of little tasks get accomplished. Somebody takes care of the nursery and meetings happen and we make crafts for the missionaries in China, but I dont know that any Holy Spirit powerful work happens apart from real transparency.

I think there is a time when you must decide, Am I going to stay the church lady the rest of my life, or am I going to be the unchurch lady? She is a little bit more raw, and she is way more transparent. She is vulnerable. She is messy sometimes. But God is active in her life. She has compassion to give because she understands what it feels like to receive the compassion of God. She is quick to forgive because, for goodness sakes, she has been forgiven so much already because she finally told the truth. I kind of want to hang out with those kinds of womenthe messy, vulnerable, transparent typesbecause I have been enough of the church lady.

What is the one thing you want to tell women? What is that one nugget that you want women to remember?

At the end of eleven chapters, I am hoping and I have been praying my guts out about it that the woman who has made that journey with me will begin to believe that what God says about her is true. Living out of that changes your entire life. We have known that with the gospel, too. We will either choose to believe the gospel every day and the power and strength that it adds to our lives, or we will wake up and forget until we are reminded again to believe the gospel.

2007-04-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Beauty For Ashes (Isaiah 61:3)

I feel led to blog about how God has given various women (and men) beauty for their ashes. The closer I grow to Christ it seems as if he has positioned extraordinary and physically, spiritually, and internally beautiful women in my life. I am awed at their beauty. I also take plenty of notes =). I love complimenting them, but interesting enough some will say things like:
"You know, I think he gave me beauty for my ashes."

"I can't believe how beautiful I feel."

"I didn't look like this before I was saved. I thought I was pretty, but the way I look now is something I 'm not used to."

"The beauty that I thought I had before was not real beauty."

When I complimented a woman with five children who doesn't look a day over 25, she simply replied, "I don't know how I look like this. All I can say is he gave me beauty for my ashes." Last night as a pastor was praying he said thank him for the beauty for ashes. There is something powerful in how God beautifies us in our weaknesses, when we are humble, and when we remain faithful even when we are broken. I'm going to spend the next couple of blogs talking about Beauty for Ashes. Please feel free to share your testimonies about your Beauty for Ashes. Tell us he has taken you through a physical and spiritual transformation as you remain faithful and how others respond to your new beauty.

2007-04-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

Thoughts, Thoughts, and More Thoughts...

It's funny how you can be having a great day, but then you just happen to turn on the TV or sign on the Internet and bad news pours into you and shadows that good day you thought you were going to have. You didn't even personally experience the event, but you feel like you did. You just want to leave work, and you don't even know what you will do if you leave, but you just can't focus where you are now. The tragic events at VA Tech have turned my stomach inside out. My heart hurts. Last week the Imus situation troubled me. On Saturday morning I attended a book club meeting with some sisters from my church. We discussed Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen. We talked about living a life of excellence, speaking life to our children, and living favor minded in addition to other things. As we talked about self-esteem, the issues of colorism in the black community, media depictions of African American women, and the Imus comment arose.

A sister mentioned something that I hadn't considered in relation to living kingdom minded and the Rutger's basketball team. We were talking about how as Christians, we just can't have a bad day and curse someone out. These strong women were persecuted by this man's comment, but were able to handle the situation with class and dignity. They were meek. They didn't become irate on camera or speak words about Imus in the manner that he spoke about them. They didn't disrespect white people. They didn't threaten him. They didn't curse or yell. But they were still able to convey that this is not right and that they were hurt. Because of the way these courageous women handled this situation, the media had no choice but to focus on other things, such as hip hop music. They met with Imus in private. These women didn't give the media the circus show they wanted, and as a result they made this situation less dramatic. I commend them for that. They showed us that they are women, and they made Imus look worse.

As far as colorsim, my heart felt for my sisters and brothers who have been persecuted because of their complexion, whether they were considered too dark or too light. My experience is a little different than most people of African descent in America. I am light- skinned, but I wasn't favored because of my light skin as a child or teenager. I went to predominately white private schools, where there were no more than four black people in a grade. My schools were racist, so I was taunted and harassed by whites just as much as my darker- skinned friends, simply because I was black. They didn't see me as light skinned, just black. To this day, I do not feel favored by whites, and God really had to rid me of thinking that all white people were going to hurt me like my classmates did. My mother's side of the family has people who have passed for white and they do not keep in touch with the family. I have a cousin my age who is living as a white woman. That's crazy. However, the people who haven't passed all married dark-skinned people, so my family is a blend of complexions and no treats anyone differently. Sometimes my siblings tell me I'm adopted, because they are darker than me, but that's about it.

However, upon attending an HBCU, I began to realize that black people, not white people, were now treating me differently because of my complexion. I remember sitting in the cafeteria and a guy walked up to me and said you know I hate light skinned people. I think you all look like pee. I was shocked. Later I would learn about the pain of my darker -skinned sisters, that some men and professors liked me because I was light- skinned, that some people didn't like me because I was light- skinned, that some people thought that because I was light- skinned that I was a certain way, and that colorism is real. Growing up, I only new of light-skinned and dark-skinned. Then I moved to North Carolina and learned all these new terms "light-skinned", "brown- skinned", "yellow", "red-boned", "chocolate", "light-brown", "caramel", "midnight", "honey"... the list goes on. Last week a friend of mine said that she feels like black women are at the bottom, not even our men want us. She said even if you are light skinned, you are no good if you have to wrap your hair at night. My brothers, I hope that's not true. I guess we all have preferences, but our preferences shouldn't be embedded in internalized oppression. For example, I'm not going to marry a guy with good hair just so my daughter can have good hair. I used to only be attracted to dark-skinned men. Now I'm open to all complexions. Perhaps I feared that if I married a light skinned man that my child would be too light. That's stupid.

On Friday night I saw the Evening At Egypt exhibit at the NC Museum of Art. I was amazed at how intricate the artwork was considering they did not have today's technology. I loved how the royal women carried themselves. There were a few greats, but there wasn't anything from headliners like Ramses or Cleopatra. I guess they only do big city things =). It's so tragic how the Egyptians were light years ahead of the Greeks and Romans, but the Greeks and Romans get credit for everything.

God is just too Good. Wow! I'm living proof that when you let him lead your life that you are transformed in ways you never thought you would be. When you call, he'll answer, and if he doesn't do it right away it's usually because he's developing something in you. If he doesn't do it at all it's because he knows you better than you know yourself. Amen!!! I'm so glad that he didn't give me some of the things I asked for. If adversity comes your way, don't let it break you. Push through and keep focused on the Lord. New level, new devil and you've got to fight. We all have adversity that can break us. For some of us it's a failed relationship, death of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, accident, or someone does us wrong. I'm seeing so many things about my life. My parents divorce and lack of a father's love and attention was supposed to break me in the devils plan. The enemy wanted me to be one of those girls who is out there, dates older men or men for attention, is a man hater, doesn't trust, can't love, and is just wrong. We see that happen to so many young women in the same situation. But I was able to push through, forgive, love, and encourage other young women who experienced the same thing. I didn't crumble. We also see our brothers failing because there was no father figure. I let the Lord in to heal any hurts and my testimony is that I don't feel like I grew up in a single parent home. What the enemy wanted to destroy, faith in God led to victory. Almost two years ago I was in a horrible car accident and I went from unbearable pain and not walking to wheel chair and walker to crutch to cane to not walking that well to walking but getting fatigue to walking, but can't run or jump. Now I'm running, jumping, and wearing heels! In October, a credit card balance was paid. Let's just say I didn't pay it and neither did my mother (I thought she suprised me, but it wasn't her). Before that, I was told that in order to have children that I would have to take some type of hormones to induce ovulation when I wanted to have children. Let's just say that's not a problem anymore (Sorry men if that's TMI). These small testimonies arn't including the things that he protected me from that I don't know even know about or all the grace and favor he has given me. I was afraid to fail, but now I'm speaking things into existence like crazy and could care less if they didn't happen. Some people say all this is coincidence or luck. I say it's God. This is why I can't waiver on my beliefs. This is why I love praise and worship. This is why I don't fool with foolishness. This is why I feel more beautiful than ever. This is why I can cry when God is referred to as a healer, provider, and father. This is why I can't do anything to mess up my witness. I've come to far to turn back. If he's done this so far, I can't wait to see what's next. I'm going through an interesting period in my walk; it's a waiting period. Patience is being built like never before. But if I'm not careful the devil can use this period to push in doubt. I've come too far to fall now. I'm pushing through, even if it takes years for these things to pass.

Last night I was talking to a friend and we decided to go to the Word for encouragement. Mind you four years ago she and I would have not opened up a bible on the phone for encouragment through a tough time. After we located and read scripture related to the event, a calmness came. This conversation began with tears and ended with a burden being lifted and a soul restored. What the enemy was using to destroy, God used for victory. God is just too Good!!!

I love you!!

2007-04-12T17:24:00.001-07:00

Friends Part 2:

As I was checking out www.cbn.com, I came across and interesting read.
This article paralleled the changes I was going through, especially
in the area of finding fulfillment in God. I never thought that I would
get to that place, but I'm finally here. It's beautiful, but at the same
time I feel like an alien or stranger around worldly men. I am realizing that before "the one" comes, many counterfeits appear. Now that I'm saved, dating is kind of like the way we used to to date (well some of us) at 14 in the sense that it's not hot and heavy; rather it's more of a friendship and courtship. Now that we date with a purpose, we add asking the tough questions into the mix. I'm not a "black widow" by any means, but once again this week I felt it was best to cut ties with a male friend. This is like the 100th one this year. Oh well =)...

I knew we weren't real friends the evening I was over his house. I started to leave because it was getting late (I shouldn't have been there in the first place), and he asked me to spend the night (Sure). I said no for many reasons. Although we (at least I wasn't) were not planning to do anything physical, I told him that when a person is trying to bring others to Christ that he or she needs to avoid even the appearance of evil. We like to think that people don't judge, but if you saw me leaving this guy's house the next morning you would probably question me and wonder if I'm hypocritical. You could easily loose faith in me and in church folk. I mean, that's just how it is. I also explained that there was just no need to spend the night. He felt that I cared too much about what others think. It seemed like he liked my walk with God, until I was uncomfortable with spending the night. To make a long story short we didn't agree, so there was no need to...

The friend before him was the "well you should spend the night (Saturday) at my house, since I live close to your church." What was he talking about? Were we supposed to have a sleep over? Others were similar. I'm kind and sweet, but I'm blunt. I tell them my views and feelings, and kindly ask them not to call anymore. I just don't see the point of wasting time or dating just to date. Clearly these guys don't really respect my walk with God. I feel like I'm constantly being tested. God sends guys that have some of what I want, but not all of it. They talk a good game about their walk with God, but they could NOT cover me. If I wasn't fulfilled in the Lord, I could be looking to men for fulfillment like many other women.

Then there's the periods where it seems like the people who live life all types of wrong are finding love. There are also women who claimed to be so saved, but they settle for a guy who is bringing them down spiritually, because they don't want to be alone and the statistics say that 70% or AA women are single. BUT I have to remember that I don't know their battles and sooner or later those battles will be revealed. Relationships that I once thought were so great have revealed themselves to be trash, but the same people think I need to lower my standards. I say my standards are not my standards, but they are God's standards. I'm just focusing on the one above and not what's going on on my right or left. I'm not settling for crumbs. My Father wouldn't have that =). If He said a man should love his wife the way Christ loved the church, then why would I settle for a guy who doesn't have my back spiritually?

Wanted: True Love
By Kimberly Barton
Guest Writer (www.cbn.com)

CBN.com – God speaks to my heart every day with His beauty and provision – even though contemporary love songs on the radio.

Often,
I come across lyrics of a lover desiring his beloved and doing whatever
it takes to bring his own to him. The lover’s longing is to be known
and loved and finally, out of desperation he puts the beloved to the
test to see what the final answer is.

And so it is, in the same way, God may be asking you: Do you want Me or do you want the world? What is your answer?

Everyday
I am faced with this question. Ultimately, I know that Jesus Christ is
all that I really want and all that I really need. Only He can fill the
inner longings and desires of my soul.

I want God to strip away
all the imitations and counterfeits that this world has to offer and
reveal to me the true Lover of my soul, Jesus Christ. I want him to
reign within my heart, spirit, and mind forever. I am desperate and
hungry for this pure and innocent, true love that I have found in Jesus
Christ.

There is the occasional day on Regent University’s
campus when, either leaving or entering the library, I see a bride
posing for her picture along the red-carpeted stairwell of the
vestibule. Then, there are the days when I see brides posing in front
of the regal fountain on campus with the roaring lions.

They,
the brides look like royalty, and I feel like Cinderella with ashes
across my cheek, not yet discovered by her prince. I think to myself as
I longingly look at the brides with admiration, “I desire to be chosen,
to be a bride beautifully arrayed in the finest of ornament for her
husband.” The brides — they glow, they radiate, and they bask in
knowing they have been chosen. I think, “I want to be chosen” and I ask
God, “When will my day come?”

I imagine Jesus Christ longing to
reach down to this earth and take my face in His hand and tenderly and
lovingly saying to me, “But my dear, my beloved, you are already a
bride, a most beautiful bride because of Me, and I chose you and you
are Mine.”

“Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what
I say. Forget your people and your family far away. For your royal
husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for he is your Lord. (Psalm
45:10-11,NLT)"

Today, I wrote in my journal, “How much better
it is to be your bride rather than an earthly one! The material of a
wedding dress is perishable, but your garment of righteousness lasts
forever.”

“She has been given the finest of pure white linen to
wear. For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people
(Revelation 19:8,NLT)."

I now understand the longings of my
heart. Everything goes back to Jesus Christ, and it all makes sense to
me now. The desires of my heart are really all for Jesus Christ
Himself. He gives us wisdom and freedom in regards to things of this
world. He delivered us out of the depths of Sheol. Respectively, we are
free from the worldly systems.

Again, it all comes back to the
fact that we all long for the love that involves a deep sacrifice, the
sacrifice of God’s only Son. It is an innate yearning within us that
rises up. Pay attention to the stirrings within your soul … when you
are feeling that void. People are always doing whatever they can to
stave it off — believers and unbelievers alike. Go to the True Source.
Be looking out for your Romancer. He wants you to seek His face and
love Him for who He is.

2007-04-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

Random Questions:

I've been pondering over the following serious and controversial topics all day =). Maybe you can add some insight. Can a man and woman be just friends? What does "friend" mean when you are talking about a friendship with the opposite sex? Why do some married people feel the need to have opposite sex friends? Why do ex-boyfriends always ask if we can be friends? What is a friend? Why do some people remain friends with their ex, even though they know it drives their significant other crazy?

I realized that I don't have any male friends -meaning a male friend that I talk to on the phone and hang out with in the same manner that I hang out with and talk to my female friends. Sure, I have and had male associates, co-workers, classmates, and there are guys I know and may talk to on the phone every now and then, but I don't think we are exactly friends, just associates. I've also had guys play a big brother role, but I don't think we were friends either; rather they just looked after me.

Men who I thought were my friend ended up liking me as more than a friend, and I've also fallen for men who were my friend. I don't feel as though I need male friends. Is that wrong? I would definitely welcome a guy who was more of a big brother, especially when it comes to helping me discern the guys I date. I do feel that the best romantic relationships are just that because they began as solid friendships. So is it wrong to feel that I'd go out of my way to form a solid friendship with a guy in which we both hope it will advance to another level? On the other hand is it wrong to feel that time is too precious to be forming all these deep male friendships when in the end I know I'll drop them when I get married? I mean I don't think hubby would be cool John Doe calling all the time, unless John Doe was his friend too. Just thinking....

All of this came about because my grandmother is harassing me. The phone conversations usually go like this:
Grandma: So you're going to be 26 soon. I'm so proud of you. You are growing up! Are you dating anyone?
Me: Thanks, I'm proud of you too. No, I'm not dating anyone.
Grandma: There has got to be someone.
Me: No Grandma, there isn't anyone.
Grandma: You can tell me. I know there is someone.
Me: No Grandma, there isn't anyone.
Grandma: I know someone is looking at you. Do you talk to any young fellows? Do you got to any dances? (Who still has dances?).
Me: Not really, I guess most of my friends are women.
Grandma: What you mean you don't have any male friends?
Me: I guess I just don't.
Grandma: Are you interested in boys....I mean do you want male friends.
Me: Yes, grandma. I'm interested in boys. I'm just really working on getting my life together so I can be a better woman, girlfriend, and wife. I'm really making sure I'm straight with God and in His purpose for my life.
Grandma: How long is that going to take? Are there any nice boys at your church? Do me a favor, just find a male friend.

Seriously people. Just pray that my grandmother calms down =).

Love ya,
Z

2007-03-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

That Thing..................

Think about that thing you do that you know you're not supposed to do, but you do it anyway. Think about that thing that you know you need to do, but you just can't get around to doing it. You know that if you could just stop doing that thing or start doing that thing that you would reap so many blessings, but you just choose not to do it. Every time you do it or fail to do it, you feel a conviction in your heart. You do this thing even though after the fact you wish you wouldn't do it anymore. Sometimes you don't even know why you do it. Or you know you need to do this thing and you don't even know why you can't get started.

Many of us know that we need to stop telling lies, cheating, cursing, gossiping, idolizing money and celebrities, smoking, being a hypocrite, drinking, fornicating, overeating, disrespecting others, overspending, cohabitating, thinking that we're too good, and the list goes on, but we still do it anyway. Many of us know that we need to start sharing, tithing, worshiping God, serving, turning off the televisions and reading, exercising, investing, reading the Word of God, living right, getting our minds right, getting our families right, and educating ourselves, but we fail to make moves in those areas. Sometimes other people tell us we need to do X, Y, Z in order to live our best life ever and walk victoriously, but more often than not God tells us. We just ignore Him, and live our lives without true peace. Claiming we enjoy premarital sex, but then having the baby what would you do if I got pregnant talk with our boyfriends is not peace. Constantly telling lies to make ourselves look better, and then not remembering who we told what lie to is not peace.

My dear, if we just humble ourselves before the Lord and be obedient to His Word, we will be blessed in ways we couldn't even imagine. I don't have the perfect life, and it may seem that so many people in the world have more than me, but I can honestly say that I am reaping the harvest from my obedience to God. Everyday something is revealed to me. I've been blessed everyday since I did the thing God asked me to do. Now of course the more blessing, the more devil, but I'm at a place where I can recognize his attacks and get into Word.

Please read the following scripture carefully. It will change your life, or at least convict us about something we need to do or stop doing..........

Deuteronomy 28

Blessings for Obedience
1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:
3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.
8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.

Sometimes we do the things we know we are not supposed to do and wonder why we are not blessed and don't have peace. It's really simple; just follow the Word. We must ask ourselves if doing that thing or not doing that thing would break God's heart. Please allow Him to use you and transform you.

Curses for Disobedience
15 However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:
16 You will be cursed in the city and cursed in the country.
17 Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed.
18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
19 You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out.
20 The LORD will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. [a] 21 The LORD will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess. 22 The LORD will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. 23 The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. 24 The LORD will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed.
25 The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth. 26 Your carcasses will be food for all the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them away. 27 The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. 28 The LORD will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. 29 At midday you will grope about like a blind man in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you.
30 You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and ravish her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. 31 Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. 32 Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand. 33 A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days. 34 The sights you see will drive you mad. 35 The LORD will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head.
36 The LORD will drive you and the king you set over you to a nation unknown to you or your fathers. There you will worship other gods, gods of wood and stone. 37 You will become a thing of horror and an object of scorn and ridicule to all the nations where the LORD will drive you.
38 You will sow much seed in the field but you will harvest little, because locusts will devour it. 39 You will plant vineyards and cultivate them but you will not drink the wine or gather the grapes, because worms will eat them. 40 You will have olive trees throughout your country but you will not use the oil, because the olives will drop off. 41 You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity. 42 Swarms of locusts will take over all your trees and the crops of your land.
43 The alien who lives among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower. 44 He will lend to you, but you will not lend to him. He will be the head, but you will be the tail.
45 All these curses will come upon you. They will pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you did not obey the LORD your God and observe the commands and decrees he gave you. 46 They will be a sign and a wonder to you and your descendants forever. 47 Because you did not serve the LORD your God joyfully and gladly in the time of prosperity, 48 therefore in hunger and thirst, in nakedness and dire poverty, you will serve the enemies the LORD sends against you. He will put an iron yoke on your neck until he has destroyed you.
49 The LORD will bring a nation against you from far away, from the ends of the earth, like an eagle swooping down, a nation whose language you will not understand, 50 a fierce-looking nation without respect for the old or pity for the young. 51 They will devour the young of your livestock and the crops of your land until you are destroyed. They will leave you no grain, new wine or oil, nor any calves of your herds or lambs of your flocks until you are ruined. 52 They will lay siege to all the cities throughout your land until the high fortified walls in which you trust fall down. They will besiege all the cities throughout the land the LORD your God is giving you.
53 Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the LORD your God has given you. 54 Even the most gentle and sensitive man among you will have no compassion on his own brother or the wife he loves or his surviving children, 55 and he will not give to one of them any of the flesh of his children that he is eating. It will be all he has left because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of all your cities. 56 The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter 57 the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For she intends to eat them secretly during the siege and in the distress that your enemy will inflict on you in your cities.
58 If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name—the LORD your God- 59 the LORD will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses. 60 He will bring upon you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you. 61 The LORD will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed. 62 You who were as numerous as the stars in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey the LORD your God. 63 Just as it pleased the LORD to make you prosper and increase in number, so it will please him to ruin and destroy you. You will be uprooted from the land you are entering to possess.
64 Then the LORD will scatter you among all nations, from one end of the earth to the other. There you will worship other gods—gods of wood and stone, which neither you nor your fathers have known. 65 Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the LORD will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. 66 You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life. 67 In the morning you will say, "If only it were evening!" and in the evening, "If only it were morning!"-because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see. 68 The LORD will send you back in ships to Egypt on a journey I said you should never make again. There you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but no one will buy you.

Enough Said!!!

I love you so much!

2007-03-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

Put On Your Big Girl Panties..........

The First Lady of my church uses this line, and I love it. Instead of complaining, doing immature or little girl things, or fearing the unknown, sometimes we just need to put on our big girl panties (or big boy briefs) and get the job done and move forward. I was struggling these last couple of days. On Thursday I had a wisdom tooth removed. I was put to sleep, so I just remember waking up at home and feeling good. I was fine on Thursday and Friday, even got my hair done, went out to a social event, and out to dinner (soft food). Maybe I just still had an abundance of drugs in me. However, on Saturday the pain along side effects from the medication threw me off. I was a mess and trying to continue on with my plans and be cute like nothing was wrong. I suppose I thought I was invincible. I had experienced major surgery and pain from being in a car accident, so I thought that nothing could ever get me down or physically hurt me in comparison to that experience, especially not a little wisdom tooth extraction.

Today, I am still a mess from Thursday's procedure. Maybe the oral surgeon didn't tell the whole truth when he said I'd be fine in 48 hours. My mouth hurts, my head hurts, and my stomach gets upset from the pain medication. I went to work, but I was not productive. I got things to do this week, so this small drama can't have the best of me. I am getting baptized tomorrow. I was baptized as a child, but that was before I was mature enough to understand my commitment to Christ. It was not personal; rather it was just ritual and tradition. Now baptism is personal. It is my act of obedience, public testimony, and spiritual truth of death, resurrection, and cleansing. I am sooo excited. I have to stay focused. I'm about move to another level in my walk with Christ and here I am letting a wisdom tooth extraction distract me. Whatever!! I just have to put on my big girl panties and get this move done!

2007-03-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

Reflections and Perceptions...........

I decided to write the adjectives and phrases that others have used to describe me throughout my life. Some are positive, but others are negative. You will even notice opposites. I don't mind if you laugh as you are reading them =)....

calm, quiet, talkative, shy, outspoken, well-spoken, reserved, rigid, funny, friendly, nice, sweet, kind, judgemental, materialistic, frugal, polite, people pleaser, sexy, doesn't know she's sexy, needs to own her sexiness, down to earth, uppity, pretty, beautiful, ugly, a flosser, fine, well-dressed, boring, hot and haute, in need of a make-over, you don't need any make-up, why don't you wear more make-up, mean, gorgeous, sensual, bougie, proper, improper, gangsta, weird, nigger, oreo, white girl, left-handed (as in that explains all of her shortcomings and anything different about her), worrier, neat, clean, dirty, confident, bastard, weak, classy, different, nice skin, ugly skin, religious, spiritual, a blessing, honest, shady, controlling, submissive, focused, unfocused, open, a stubborn Taurus, won't let anyone close, pretty and bouncy hair, nappy hair, smart, intelligent, miss manners, air headed, dumb, street smart, common sense, lack of common sense, arrogant, conscious of others, stuck on herself, she won't date you unless you make over $60,000 (This is not true. Seriously, if I was going to choose an income level, it would be much higher than that =)), you'll never be good enough, you're better than the rest, wife material, she has alot going for herself and she doesn't have a man so she must be crazy, proud, ashamed, embarrassed, appreciative, unappreciative, focuses on the future, holds on to the past, forgiving, broke, determined to rise above her circumstances, doesn't work hard enough, ignorant, thinks too highly of herself, poor, broken, rich, blessed, loves, loved, .................

Thank you if you actually took the time to read all of them!!

It is true that I have to be careful about how others perceive me. I know that first impressions are often last impressions and that people see me before they hear me. I am also aware that so many people are turned off to God, religion, and spirituality, not because of something God did to them, but because of the way they were treated by people who claimed to men and women of God. Last night my pastor discussed how we cannot claim to love God and then mistreat others. How can we spend Sunday morning praising God and then go to brunch and be rude to the waiter or waitress? People do it all the time, and we wonder why the world thinks we're crazy.

However, I'm talking about a different level of perception, which is dwelling on negativity or what we don't have in comparison to others. If we care too much about the negative things people have to say about us, we will miss a move of God in our lives, because when that move comes, we will feel like we don't deserve it. We will feel like we are not worth receiving that thing God promised us.

We know that God made us in his image and likeness. We know that the Holy Spirit dwells in us. We know that we that through Jesus we are washed clean and have ABUNDANT life here on Earth. Given that we know these things, why is it easier for some people to complain and accept negativity than to speak life? Why do we tone down our blessings, as if we are afraid to outshine others? Why are there people who still can't receive a compliment? Why do people doubt their abilities?

What if I only believed in the negative things on that list. What if I only believed that I was ugly, shy, a nigger, judgmental, dumb, broke, weird, that something is wrong with left handed people, that my destiny is tied to my zodiac sign, that I will never be as good as others, or that I was stuck in the past? Seriously, what would happen?
We don't have to be geniuses to figure it out...........

I wouldn't see the point in reaching career goals or leading.
I wouldn't see the point in investing
I wouldn't see the point in taking care of my appearance
I'd probably date any man that smiled at me,and I wouldn't think I was worth a good man
I wouldn't believe it when people told me I was pretty
I would think that others are better than me
I would probably be a hater
I would miss out on opportunities
I would probably put all my junk and negativity on my children, family, and friends

The list goes on and on, but I think you get my point.

On the other hand, If we believe in the good things people say about us and God's promises to us, our destiny is nothing less than phenomenal. Our standards will not be compromised. Even when we are in our darkest hour, we will be able to see that thing we are hoping for and believe that it is going to happen. Sure, others will doubt you, but you know what's up!

My dear, it is soooooo easy to focus on the negative. We've all heard the saying that you can't keep a blessed woman down or you can't keep a blessed man down. Don't you know that they enemy also knows that. He's smart and has found all types of ways to creep into your minds to keep you focused on the negative. The devil knows that faith and speaking life are key ingredients to turning negative situations around and to reach your goals. What better way to block you then to keep you focused on the negative. My dear, today I want you to shake off any negative thoughts. I want to shake off the negative adjectives others put on you. I want you to shake off the negative adjectives that you put on yourself. The Buts, I can't, I don't know, this is hard, and the Impossibles are gone. It's time time to only think with thoughts of faith.

I'm going to use myself as an example again, but I want you to replace my thoughts of faith with yours: I know people probably think I'm crazy for saying I'm going to be extremely wealthy, especially after they look at my current bank statement, humble possessions, and knowing that I want to work with youth. I know people probably think I'm crazy for saying that I'm going to be this or that, especially when they look at my current situation. My dear, I'll miss my blessing if I focus on the negative and doubts of others. I can't afford to do that and neither can you. Let them keep laughing. Let them keep doubting. One day their doubts will be silenced by your blessing, and I can't wait for you to tell us all about it!

I love you so much!

2007-02-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, many people see you before they hear you. Who says Christian women are supposed to look frumpy?!? Many of the women in the bible received beauty treatments and advice on how to present themselves. These women were beautiful on the inside and outside. This site has good fashion and life advice and a book list.
http://www.guccigodivagod.blogspot.com

2007-02-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

Judging Others ( From Matthew 7)

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. [ In other words, how can you correct others when you aren't acting in a correct manner].

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. [When I read this verse I always think about people who give their hearts and bodies to people who don't deserve them. Someone on another blog mentioned that what's worse than no good or underachieving people are the people who date underachievers.

This is one of my favorite verses. It keeps me grounded, and reminds me of the things I need to work on. It is true, that once you become saved [for real] that you are brand new [transformed], and many of the negative things that you used to understand, just don't make sense to you. For example, I don't understand anymore how people can fight over "territory" or have a bad attitude everyday. I don't understand how people can stay in a relationship with someone who brings them down. I don't understand how people can be married and basically be roommates. I don't even understand the things I used to do!! However, I have to be careful not to call someone out on their weaknesses, when I do the same things. While the Word may not agree with a person's life style, I can not say that God doesn't love that person. We still need to use discernment. I wouldn't want you to let someone waving a gun in the air in your home, because you didn't want to judge them as someone who had bad intentions.

We hear people say things like...........

"She's loose..., but I can count all the guys I've been with on one hand, and I'm only sleeping with my boyfriend or so and so right now."
[What's the difference? How can one person think she is better than the other]

"How can you spend the night at X's house? I mean me and my boo spend the night every night, but we just lay in the bed and watch TV."

"B cheated on his girlfriend with C., but although I slept with C, I didn't cheat, because it wasn't emotional." [Is he serious]

"How can she date X. He is no good. I know my man isn't all that, but he makes sure that I am number one. He may have a few girls on the side, but I'm wifey."
[I still know grown women who talk like this].

"I don't trust so and so or this organization, because they just want my money." [However this person feels like this because he or she uses people for their money].

Clergy and religious people who shun others for the same things they are doing. [The divorce rate in the church and world are similar].

Parents who punish their children for cursing or fighting, but they can't stop doing those things.

Politicians making sure poor [and black] men are sentenced for crack, while they snort cocaine.

Retailers who arrest shoplifters, while managers at the top of the retail industry are embezzling.

"How can so and so eat like that... I take good care of my body." [But this person smokes and drinks too much]

The list goes on and on.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

This is a Word for me!

Today, I declare that I love those who judge me. I love them even though I do not know them. Today I declare that I will not judge others. I know that I can't correct others when I am doing the very thing I accuse them of doing. I'm going to first take all of the planks out of my eyes, and so I can help my brothers and sisters remove the specs from their eyes. Girls, help me on this one.... I am going to stop referring to some of the guys who approach me with weak game [the bow down to me because I have multiple degrees, no children, and never been to jail type of guys] as losers, lame, corny, and wack. I will just say we are not compatible instead of using harsh adjectives. Also, I know there are things that others would perceive as lame about me. I want people to be confident, so I will always be confident. I want people to be classy and dignified, so I will do everything with class and dignity (well just about everything, sometimes you have to let it go and get down and dirty), I want people to be leaders, so I will be a leader. I want others to know when to submit, so I will submit. I don't want anyone around me to worry, so I will not worry. Yes, there will be no more panic attacks (i.e., two weekends ago when I was out of town and my checking account was funny). Sorry about that gals and thanks for calming me down =).

I've told you all the type of guys I will date and how I will date, so you will not see me with someone who doesn't treat me well, no matter how fine he is. [On a side note. I have to stop getting giddy when I see a nice looking man. I don't know..... a handsome man in a power suit and cufflinks just brings out the little girl in me. And don't let him be nice and love the Lord for real.... I might even blush (I don't approach men, just watch)].

I can speak on the blessings of following the Word, because I fight to live it. I will keep praising and worshiping God in BOTH in a church and at home. I will keep tithing, so you can see the blessing in tithing. I will be honest about my weaknesses, and confess to you when I fail. I just want you to experience the love I have for Christ. I don't want to be the person who blocks you from wanting to know Him. If I don't do something, it's because I know in my heart it's not God's plan for my life. I will keep speaking life. I want you to love, so I will love. I love you!!!

2007-02-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

We Strut, We Strut, We Strut, We Strut...................

Last weekend I went back to my Home by the Sea for my sorority chapter's 60th Anniversary celebration. I had a wonderful time. I will never forget the women this picture. They called themselves the Golden Girls, and they pledged in 1954. They were so fabulous. They weren't complaining about aches and pains or being tired. They arrived in minks, leather suits, stilettos, Fendi bags, and "stunna shades." These women were bad. They had the education and wealth to back up the bling. Their inner beauty and happy spirit were evident. I want to feel that good when I am in my 70s. Tina Turner better watch out =)!

2007-02-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

Make It Personal...

So many times we are told to pray, but many of us don’t know how to pray. I confess, I didn’t really know how to pray until last year. I was praying, but I wasn’t really praying, if you get what I mean. I feel blessed to be in a church that stresses growth and intimacy with God. I pray using the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–15). Prayer is on my mind today because I was technically on the verge of having bad day, but I didn’t let it become a bad day. Prayer is also on my mind because the something that I asked for was given to me, and I am sooo thankful and happy. I’ll show you how I pray………

Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name
Exalt his name. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him what he means to you. Lord I love you. You are awesome. I praise you. I worship you. You are all that. You are magnificent. I will not put anything above your name. Hallelujah to your name. Thank you for being my father, my king, my leader, my savior, my healer, my provider, my redeemer, my banker, my name changer, my friend, my protector, my everything (I can go on and on, and some days he means different things to me)……………

Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Lord, I know I’ve asked you for many things, but only give me the things that are in your will for my life. I am submitted to your will for my life, and if it isn’t you then I don’t want it. Help me to see your way. Here I’ll pray about decisions I need to make.

Give us today our daily bread
Lord, you know the desires of my heart. Ask him for the things you need. Thank him for the things you’ve asked for even if you can’t see them now. Right now (at this minute) I need the following: Lord, stretch my patience. Help me to manage my time. I am starting to feel overwhelmed, but I need you to bring order to my weekly schedule. I’ve asked that you make me great, and I know that the time commitments that I’m struggling to make are NOTHING compared to the work you have for me. I mean seriously Z., this is nothing compared to your life as a First Lady of a nation, state, church, or business [those of you who know me, get this joke]. This is nothing compared to being a leader of a charitable organization or school. This is nothing to being a wife and mother. This is nothing compared to what’s coming……so girl, get it together.

I pray for the specific needs of my family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, church members, church leaders, and people struggling with poverty, abuse, addiction, and/or violence. I pray for the marriages and relationships of my friends. I pray for the safety of my husband and children, even though I don’t know them yet. I thank God for the good health, home, wealth, family, job, life, and saved family members that I asked for. I thank him for making me his princess. I am royalty. Just thank him for those things instead of asking him over and over for them. I also ask him for my specific needs. I thank him for the small things he does for me on a daily basis (waking me up, my car, having food, a bed, etc.).

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors
Ask for forgiveness for your sins and make sure that you forgive. I ask God to forgive me for the times I failed to keep my word, including the times I paid a bill late. I ask him to forgive me for my thoughts and actions that weren’t godly…the times I talked about other people...the times I worried..times I complained. I forgive those who hurt me, and I ask that I never hold unforgiveness. I ask that I don’t judge others and that others do not judge me. Sometimes people feel that Christians are judgmental. However, I find myself being judged more by others for being a Christian than for my actions that weren’t good. Being a Christian isn’t easy. Many people don’t have nice things to say about Christians, and I can definitely understand their reasons, but why be the judgmental person you accuse Christians of being?

Many of my friendships have become very awkward. I try to reach out, but I guess they don’t feel as though they can hang with me because they fear I’ll judge them even though I don’t. I still love through the awkwardness. At this minute I am asking God to help me get through these changes.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one
Temptation, temptation, temptation………….I pray for my areas of weakness and ask for strength to overcome them. I ask God to deliver me from the things that have me bound. I thank him for breaking bad habits. I also ask that he delivers my family, friends, and community from things that have them bound.

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
Lord, it all belongs to you. I belong to you. I will serve you. What can I do for you? Your name reigns supreme. Your word is true.

In Jesus' name we pray! Amen

2007-02-14T09:26:00.000-08:00

Please Read This Blog on Fathers and Sexual Attitudes on Intellegentignorance

http://intellegentignorance.blogspot.com

What do you think? Why is Sex just Sex to some people? I can admit that because of "technology" I didn't think too much about the consequences of sex when I was out in the world. My life would have been "different" if I got pregnant by my ex. The woman I am today would never want a man like that to be the father of my children. What was I thinking?!? How could I give my precious body away? Thank God for growth and for saving me!!!

2007-02-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day..........

May your love be the kind of love that is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, and is not proud. The kind of love that is not rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. The kind of love that does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. A love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Have a Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,

Z

2007-02-11T17:22:00.000-08:00

The State of The Black Union and Other Stuff................

The State of the Black Union was held at Hampton University, my alma mater, and I had the pleasure of being able to attend. I'm still taking it all in, and I may post again. Let's just say that I feel even more motivated to be of service to all mankind. The dialogue between the panelists was great.

I feel that the media often portray Al Sharpton as a loud mouth who is always ready to start trouble, and I can admit that many times I would get tired of listening to him speak. HOWEVER, after seeing him in person and listening to his perspectives on Obama's run for president, areas of our past that we need to leave behind, race relations, classism in the black community, and leadership among our youth, I enjoy listening to him and appreciate his zeal for the people. I appreciate anyone who isn't afraid to make others uncomfortable in the pursuit of equality. I'm sure many of you watched it on C-Span, so I don't need to go into detail about all of the panelists.
One thing that stuck with me was the notion of being DIGNIFIED. I thought about ways I could be more dignified. Do I downplay my dignity in order to not make others feel less than?

As many of you know I want to teach special ed. (emotional and behavioral disorders) as soon as possible. Most of these children aren't bad. They just need someone who actually cares to empower them. I know there will be tough days, and I am alright with that. Unfortunately, many of the students in special education classes are mislabeled African American youth. Last night I thought about my future students. I pondered over ways to give them a sense of dignity. I brainstormed tactics I need to use in order to make African American history real to them. How could I get them to see that they are more than what others tell them they are, and that they are more than what they see. How could I show them the things that they can't see right now....like if they just press forward and hold on they'll get over this mountain. How could I do all of this with while sticking to a rigid school district or state curriculum? I planned to teach in a "safe" school district. Maybe I need to teach in Newark, New Orleans, or Houston....places that are in need of teachers who can teach and who actually care about the well-being of students traumatized by natural disaster. Teachers who actually care about the well-being of students who act out by trying to control other students and teachers with threats and violence simply because on inside they feel out of control due to what's going on in their violent environment. I don't know.......... But I do know that I have great work to do................... Want to join me?

The comments that I get from people when I tell them that yeah I work here, but I really want to teach are crazy......

Oh, you must really be looking for a rich husband

Why, I mean Why?

Just a teacher?

After a long pause while trying to figure out why....Umm, I think you'll make a great teacher

Are you sure?

How much do they make now?

Kids are bad. Are you sure?

So I mean, I bet you are looking for a rich husband

You're too nice and soft to deal with those type of kids {one day people will stop mistaking grace for weakness and understand the true definition of an effective leader}

You are going to need a rich husband!

You are going to need a rich husband!!

You are going to need a rich husband!!!

This just in.....some of the freakiest women are church girls who are teachers, and I have friends who have been with them.... they act one way and do another and no one really knows. [I wondered why that conversation with his friend was the first thing that came to his mind when I said I wanted to teach. I told the people that I lead by example. People who aren't living according to the word of God are ineffective in bringing others to Christ. I'm not going out like that. I won't give you the joy of calling me a hypocrite. You can't have it. The games were over once I gave my life to God, and I am reaping so many blessings, including peace. Just because people go to church does not mean they are moral or are submitted to God. In many cases it just means they are "churchy" ].

I guess you just have to love people, even when they think like this. What cracks me up even more is that some of the people who make these comments earn the same salary as a first year public school teacher. They are just able to mask it under their job title. There are others who make these comments, but they hate their jobs. I've also been blessed to receive TONS of love, encouragement, and prayer that I am in my purpose. Thank you!!!

My response to these crazy questions and comments is derived from the rules of the little red rubber ball.....

We all have a big bouncy neon ball in our life. I like to think if it as a big bouncy neon ball rather than a little red rubber ball. Big, because I only think in terms of greatness. Bouncy, because it will take me from one domain to the next. Neon, because it signifies brightness.

My dear, think back to being in K-mart or a toy store when you were little and seeing the cage full of those huge neon balls. Do they even make them anymore? Our ball is the thing that we do that doesn't feel like work, because we love it so much. It's also the thing that we would loose sleep over and work extra hours for because we are so passionate about it. That ball bounces us into different domains, with each domain being greater than the last. Success isn't an option when we stick to our big bouncy neon ball. My ball (purpose) is youth. I will be happy and great, as long as I focus on educating and motivating youth. During one season of my life I may teach, followed by a season of administration. During the next season I may bounce into motivational speaking. After that I may bounce into establishing a leadership program or even a school of greatness for youth who others gave up on. Later, I may bounce into child advocacy. I may even bounce into motivating and encouraging parents. My dear, I will be happy as long as I center my career aspirations on youth. I'm not concerned about money, because I know I'll be just fine. Although to others things in my life may look bleak, I can see where I'm going to be (faith) and that is one of the greatest feelings!!! Lord, I thank you for the things you've already done.

Let your purpose bounce you into GREATNESS!!!

I love you!!

2007-02-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

Interesting read on intellegentignorance about Pastors
http://intellegentignorance.blogspot.com

2007-02-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

What a great game! I loved how when Tony Dungy was asked how it felt to be the first African American coach to win the Super Bowl he said he feels even more proud to be a man of God winning this game. He also talked about his faith in the Lord despite the culture of the sports industry. The reporters commented about how the actions (Godly) of Dungy and Smith are unlike the actions of other coaches. For example, they don't curse at or belittle people or players, and they still get results. These men are respected leaders. Dungy and Smtih, I am proud of you!

2007-02-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

I Think I'm in Love..............

It’s Super bowl Sunday, and I am excited. Will Peyton Manning finally get a championship ring? We shall see.

Life has been going well. I feel like I've been a busy body these last couple of weeks, but things are well. Last Saturday I enjoyed brunch with my some of my girls. Next week we are going to the State of the Black Union. I feel like I am growing so much closer to my friend M. We are both active in the same church, took classes on the Holy Spirit, and we are fasting together. I have learned so much from talking to her. I appreciate her support, and she is such a lovely and fun person. I feel like God is taking our friendship to a new level.

My fast will be over next weekend. Right now we are on water, fruits, veggies, and baked chicken and fish. The first time I had salmon since I started the fast I got sick. My body wasn't used to it. I feel stronger spiritually and physically. My body feels so clean, and my spirit feels so pure. I've seen signs that the things I am fasting for will come in due time. I plan to continue eating healthier after the fast. During this fast I also decided to abstain from secular music.

I took a test on the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and I scored high on possessing the gift of Faith. As I prayed Thursday night I asked God why so many things in my life are difficult. I usually get what I want in the end, but getting to the goal is ALWAYS full of twists and turns. He revealed to me that he is stretching my Faith!!! He also revealed that I would have a great testimony about how I believed and RECEIVED the things I couldn't physically see at the time. Even if others told me I'd never get those things, I still kept the faith. I thanked the Lord for what he is doing in me. I thanked him for the life, health, wealth, husband, and children that I asked for. I've been standing on Jeremiah 29:11, which states For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Isn't that Scripture powerful? It makes my heart jump!

Okay, so how does my faith relate to me thinking that I'm in love. Please don't think I'm some spooky- deep person, but although I don't know who my husband will be, I am in love with God's promise of what he will be. While many of my peers and people are getting ready for Valentine's Day, I am getting more intimate with and falling more in love with God. Through this intimacy He is showing me that type of man my husband will be, and I think I’m already in love with this man.

Now my girlfriends joke on me because when someone asks me what I want in a man, I usually put my hand on my heart and raise the other hand, get flustered, look up, smile, and blush. Describing this man takes my breath away. It is kind of funny. I guess I just get excited. They say that since I speak so highly of this man that everyone is waiting to see who he will be. It's also been a long time since I've dated anyone, and I've been holding out from physical relations, so I think people want to see who the man I'm holding out for will be. I stopped dating just to date. If I know I don't like a guy, I don't want to spend time with him out of boredom or just to have company.

I asked God to make me his Ester, Sarah, and Ruth. He is slowly molding me. When I prayed for my husband, I asked the Lord to make him the King Xerxes, Abraham, and Boaz that I need him to be. The leader, protector, provider, and lover that I need.

I think I’m in Love with…………

The man who understands that sex is designed for marriage, so he isn't even trying to go there with me. He respects my celibacy. Even during my weak times (I’m not a virgin), he remains strong. The man who says we have to go our separate ways for the night, because it's getting to late, and he doesn't want to put us in a potentially frustrating situation. The man who doesn't want to jeopardize my reputation, so he doesn't even want to do anything that resembles shacking up or spending the night. He's trying to bring others closer to Christ, so he is very careful about his actions. While we abstain from sex before marriage, we both make sure it is a TOP priority in our marriage =). Unfortunately, many couples in this world make sex a priority before marriage, but after the vows they are rarely intimate. I know the devil cracks up at that one. It is pretty sad.

The man who is a provider and priest over his home. Worldly men have described women who want their husband to have a decent job and to be a provider as a gold-digger. This is not always the case. I feel that he doesn't have to be a "baller," but he does the best he can with his income, even if it is not much. It would be great if I didn't have to work the traditional 8.5 hour day while our children were young, but I’m definitely okay if I have to work. Also, ideally my husband as a provider should upgrade, not downgrade my financial situation. I shouldn't be more hungry with him than I was without him. This man is submitted to God and sets the spiritual tone for his household. None of this mom and children go to church while daddy stays home and sleeps mess. Then our children get older and think they don’t have to praise God in church because daddy doesn’t. I'm tired of hearing about these churches that are 90% women and children!!!

The man who I love on, am submitted to (husband), and who gets my heart in a way that no one has had it. The man who knows things about me that no one knows. The person whose leadership I can follow, because I can trust his relationship with God. We don't hurt each other, because we don't want to hurt God.

The man who may be attracted to other women (let's just be real), but he is able to control his flesh. He doesn't let what he sees turn into fantasies that become actions. He is faithful and accountable.

The man (me too!) who works hard to get us through the tough times in our marriage.

The man who when people see us think, “Wow, he's saved, fine, and has a good job. Where did she get him?” LOL!! They will also wonder how he got me. LOL!

There are some other qualities that I've asked for in my husband, but I'm going to keep them a secret for now. Although I am in love with this man and excited about the day we cross paths, I want you to know that I am enjoying my season of singleness. I don't feel lonely or the need to rush things. I'm only 25. I don't feel like my biological clock is ticking. I am complete in the Lord. There are things in my life that God is completing and changing before he sends my husband.

While I'm not dating, and there isn't anyone in my life who I remotely think could be my future husband, I have FAITH that he is coming and that he is going to be great. Our union will be blessed! Because I have FAITH that it is already done, I can do what I need to do without trying to place myself in situations to meet a man or any other unnecessary plotting and scheming. I just need to be the best person I can be for me and God. It's already done!!!

Some things for us to think about…………

During a discussion last night my mentor asked some of us if we would be willing to cook seven days a week if our husbands wanted us to. She described this man as being an awesome person and lover and a solid provider. She also said he does not eat leftovers. Some said yes, but others said they would not have the energy to do that and fulfilling that request is unrealistic in modern times.

Ladies, would you submit to that request?
My answer: Yes, but I would ask if we could have a date night and go out to eat once a week.

Gentlemen: What is the difference between a gold-digger and a traditional woman who likes the idea of her husband being the breadwinner?

According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Is this the way you show love?

BTW--Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog. I love you, and I keep the readers of this blog in my prayers.

2007-01-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

Education: The Power of Knowledge, Discipline, and Submission

The best selling book of all time tells us that my people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge [Hosea 4:6]. As a collective, we understand that without knowledge survival in this world is difficult. We also understand that knowing and still choosing to live an ignorant life is worse than not having knowledge at all.

The educational system is the most accessible means of gaining knowledge and power in America. In contrast to many other countries, American children between the ages of five and sixteen in most states must attend school. Level of education is positively correlated to and a predictor of income. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average monthly income of a person with a high school diploma is $906, compared to $2,625 for a person with a bachelor’s degree. The average monthly income of individuals with a professional degree is $5,534. Despite knowing the economic advantages of education, many children [and their parents] do not take the educational system seriously. They refuse to submit to the authority of their teachers, discipline in their homes is nonexistent, knowledge is viewed as something useless or nerdy, and as a result of their decisions, they grow up to be powerless adults. I am also aware that there are many people with high levels of education who are also ignorant and powerless. There are also people with low educational attainment who achieve power, because they became knowledgeable and/or business savvy in something.

In a similar manner as the world, without education, submission, discipline, and knowledge we are powerless in God’s kingdom. The most important step to power in God’s kingdom is submission to his word. Submission is difficult, because we are an individualistic society. We do what we want to do, and we put our interests before the interests of others. Before I go any further, I need to clarify submission. From a biblical perspective, submission is universal. Christians are first subject to God [Ephesians 5:21; Peter 1:17], and then to one another [Romans 12:10]. Biblical submission is motivated by faith, hope, love, and results in self-sacrifice (Deffinbaugh 2007). While submission in our crazy world is a matter of authority, biblical submission is putting the interests of others ahead of our own.

Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. [Job 22:21]

Submission has been greatly misconstrued in our society to the point that when we hear the word submission, we think about abuse, slavery, or sexism. Negative attributes about submission are especially true in the area of marriage. Unfortunately, many societies and churches were quick to teach that women should submit to their husbands [Ephesians 5:22-24], but slow to teach the line below it which states that husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word. Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies... [Ephesians 5:25]. Going out of God’s order, many women submitted themselves to men who didn’t treat them well or who were not submitted to God, and many men taught this passage as a means to oppress.

Submission according to the word of God is not oppression. There is beauty, protection, and order in submission. We are called to submit to our spouses, parents, teachers, and those in charge. However, when submission to one authority conflicts with submission to another, we are subject to the higher authority, which is God! Anything that conflicts with his word is out of order.

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still
belonged to it, do you submit to its rules? [Colossians 2:20].

Submission is the core of a person's relationship with God. It is the heart of discipleship, because we are not only called to believe in Jesus, but we are also called to follow him (Deffinbaugh 2007). I am submitted to the Word of God, also known as the Bible, which provides instruction for the way God wants me to treat others [Matthew 19:19; Matthew 5:44; Ephesians 4:1-31], how to worship him [Psalm 95:6], my finances [Leviticus 27:30], the kind of man I am supposed to date or marry [Ephesians 5:25-33], the kind of woman I need to be [1Peter 3:1-6], my emotions [1Corinthians 13:4-13; Philippians 4:6], and the list goes on. I am open to the Lord’s discipline, because I know that no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it [Hebrews 12:11].

Singles are called to be submitted to God [1 Corinthians 7:32]. Once I become married I will be submitted to my husband [and God]. Although I am submitted to the Word of God, I decided to take some advice from my girl Ruth and submit myself to a woman [teacher] who is more mature in the Lord than I am and who can provide me with sound counsel.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ [Ephesians 5:22].

I asked a woman from church who I admire to mentor me. I also told her that I wanted to be submitted to her and would serve her in any way possible. My submission to her means that I trust her to provide me with Godly counsel when I am not sure about a certain situation. It also means that I will follow her advice. I’m not perfect. I am tempted in certain areas, and there are many things that God is working out in me. I have a master’s degree, so I am pretty educated and have influence by worldly standards, but I need as much knowledge as possible in areas concerning God’s kingdom. Just as I was submitted to the guidance of my mentors during college and grad school, and I need to be submitted to the guidance of my mentors in Christ.

The book of Ruth is one of my favorite books in the bible, because it clearly illustrates how seeking knowledge, submission, and discipline yield power and love. Please take the time to read this short story. In summary, Ruth submitted herself to Naomi, her deceased husband’s mother. Ruth said to Naomi:

Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die and there I may be buried. May the lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything, but death separates you from me [Ruth 1: 16-17].

Ruth could have left Naomi and remarried, but she decided to submit to her and serve her. Let’s not forget that Ruth’s people were pagans, and she still decided to submit to the God Naomi worshipped. Ruth was richly rewarded for her submission to God and Naomi. Boaz, a wealthy and respected man, found favor in Ruth because of they way she took care of her mother- in- law (discipline/serving). Boaz would not let any man touch Ruth as she gleaned in the fields (protection). Ruth carefully followed Naomi’s instructions (knowledge) for interacting with Boaz. Boaz and Ruth married, and we know their descendants include David and Jesus Christ (power). There are so many other biblical illustrations of how education, knowledge, submission, and discipline resulted in power. Just think about Jesus, Abraham, Hannah, Moses, Job, David, and Esther, to name a few.

I mentioned earlier that my people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge, and what’s even worse is when people know, but are still ignorant. My dear, I am not perfect and there are things on this list that I need to work on, but seriously, how many people say they are Christians and claim to know what the Word says, but are ignorant to it. We say we are Christians, but our actions are in opposition to the word. We educate ourselves in other areas and submit ourselves to junk. However, we fail to educate ourselves in submission to the Lord. We want the perks of a relationship with God, but we don’t want to serve him with our all and die to our old selves. We want God to give us what we want, but we don’t take the time to see what his will is for our lives. In a similar manner, many youth and adults want to be instantly gratified with the money that comes from education, but they don’t want to work and sacrifice to get through high school or to get that business idea going.

It is when we humble ourselves, submit ourselves to the Lord, and accept discipline and his teaching that true power comes. Our lives become enriched with prosperity, love, and peace. As we educate ourselves in current affairs, academia, politics, research, and business, let us also remember to educate our spirits and hearts. As we discipline ourselves in order to achieve our physical and monetary dreams, let’s also remember to discipline our flesh. As we submit to our bosses, government officials, money, and leaders in civic organizations, let’s also remember to submit to the one above. How blessed would our communities be if our doctors, lawyers, business people, athletes, teachers, engineers, researchers, and writers lived according to the word of God? I love you!

Here are some questions to think about:
I’ll answer a few...............

What will you do to ensure that your children respect education?
Make learning fun, provide mentors who work in fields my children are interested in; be active in their school; expose them to art, history, and science exhibits; discipline them; take them on vacations to other countries so they can see how good they have it; make sure they know the history of African American education; introduce them to the Word of God and pray that they accept Jesus and come to know the Lord in an intimate way
What is knowledge?
Who are you submitted to?
God, my mother, my mentors, my pastor, some of my friends, my boss
Does your pride prevent you from submitting to others?
What are you submitted to?
To whom is the person you are dating , married to, or like submitted?
Dating/Married--N/A. I know attractive men, but I don't like anyone right now. My closest friends know that one week I can like someone and then one day I don't. To date, no one has been able to hold my attention. I once dated a guy who was not submitted to God or anyone. He did what he wanted to do and his way was always right. All he cared about was money, even though he came from a wealthy and humble family. It was disastrous and a learning lesson =).
How can you be more powerful?
The best way for me to be powerful is to have a beautiful spirit to match the credentials on paper. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law [Galatians 5:22-23]. Gentleness is often looked at as a weakness, especially for the new millennium women of today, but I feel the most influential when I am gentle, cool, calm, and collected.
Can you accept discipline and criticism?
Criticism--For most of my life I couldn’t. I was hard on myself. Now I can be criticized and “keep it moving.”
Discipline-- yes
What areas of your life are in opposition to the Word?
I have to work harder than most people to not worry about situations. I know worry is doubt.
I have to check myself to make sure I am loving those who don't treat me well.

2007-01-18T17:03:00.000-08:00

About ME.................

Alright. The people have spoken. Here it is.............

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on December 31, 2004 at the Potter's House in Dallas, TX. I grew up in a "Christian" home, was reared in parochial schools with mandatory religion classes, and I went to church (every now and then my first year of grad school), but I didn't really know the Lord. He wasn't personal to me; rather he was routine. He was the thing you did, because you were told to or everyone else was doing it. Although I was a nice person, I was not submitted to the Word of God. I saw nothing wrong with doing what you want to do on Friday and Saturday nights and then playing Christian on Sundays.

The night I accepted Christ an indescribable feeling came over me during praise and worship and Bishop Jakes' sermon. I cried and cried tears of joy and repentance. I knew in my heart that this was the end of my life as I knew it, and that my walk was beginning. I knew I had to submit to the Word and find a church home that would feed me spiritually. When I returned to the Triangle, a friend introduced me to WOCC, and I felt at home. I joined a little later. At that point I didn't get too involved in church, because I didn't really want to be accountable to anyone.

Also, at that point in my life I knew what I was supposed to be doing, but I had one foot in and the other out. I could feel God tugging on me as I battled with knowing that many of my actions weren't right and at the same time wanting to "fit in" with everyone else. I was slowly dieing to myself and becoming brand new in Christ, and it was not easy. One week I was on the right path, and the next I fell hard. When I wasn't doing right, I felt guilty or a conviction, and I knew that life wasn't supposed to feel like that. I knew that if I just followed God's promise that I wouldn't feel like that anymore and would be blessed, but I continued to have one foot in and the other out.

God was patient with me, and He kept giving me chances to fully yield to Him. I can remember each of those times. I can also remember my resistance. There where so many instances in which I fell out of God's protection, and if I would have just submitted to Him ............

One day God placed me in a position where I had no choice, but to submit. I think He had enough of me =). I fully gave my life to God. I submitted my all and rejoiced in His covering. I promised to serve Him and follow His Word. My relationship with Him was now intimate. Although I have reaped many blessings from this intimacy, I would serve Him even if it meant receiving nothing. My life is not perfect, but there is a peace and happiness. The "hard times" don't get the best of me.

So to answer the question about why I blog, and if I feel uncomfortable putting my business out there.........

When I fully gave my life to God, I asked him to use me. I know he's doing just that. Before last year I was extremely private. To stand in front of people and tell my life story, to show you my wrongs and how I overcame them, and to just talk about me is not like me. Maybe my experiences will show people that they are not alone, that the world may say one thing, but God says another, and that there is protection in submission to the Lord. I want to keep it real, and talk about the hard things. I want to show people that you don't have to have a perfect past in order to come to know Him. Blogging, being submitted to earthly people, and being involved in my church keep me accountable for my actions. I want to bring people to Christ, and I try my best to lead by example. Now I am accountable to you, because I can't say one thing on this blog and do another. I can't do one thing and then work in a children's ministry the next day.

To date, I have not backed up much of what I've been saying on this blog with biblical references, because most of the people who read it before were saved and already knew where I got what I'm saying from. I will include references. I'm excited about this journey, and I hope you enjoy it too!

I love you!

2007-01-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

Nice Guys Finish First!!!!!!

Life has been good. I went to a game party on Friday, and it was fun. I think I lost my black card, because I don't know how to play Spades =). I left the party early, since I had an exam on Saturday morning. I spent Saturday afternoon with my friend B. He told me that his first impression of me was that I was very antisocial. I'll admit that I can be very reserved, but once people get to know me, they realize that I am talkative and funny. B. now knows that I'm not antisocial. B., thanks for believing in second impressions. It was a good thing that we hung out, because he noticed that I needed new tires. I got them yesterday.

On Sunday I had a good after church talk with M. On Sunday afternoon T. came over and we went for a walk at Lake Johnson, since the weather was so nice. We are both fasting, so we had to take a couple of breaks to recover our energy, but we made it through the course. I am already slim, and I am loosing weight from this fast, so please don't think I'm anorexic when you see me.

We talked about the things we are believing for as we fast. I am believing for my father to be saved, to be in positions that are God's will for my life, to have zero debt, for the well-being of my friends and family, and for the safety and blessings of my future husband and children. T. and I also discussed how thankful we are to have supportive girlfriends. I'm realizing that there are so many females who just can't get along with each other. It's so petty and tragic. I've never been a girl who only wanted to hang with the guys. I need girlfriends.

K. called last night. It was so nice to catch up with her. We've grown so much in these last couple of years and joked on each other about how we used to be and the type of guys we used to date. Seriously K., what were we thinking? What were we smoking? How could we think it was cute to date a man who wants to be uncommitted, sleep with us, and talk to other people when we knew that wasn't what our hearts desired. I'm glad we've moved away from what can I do for him to what can he do for me. The guys we go out with and are attracted to now are so different from the guys we used to like. We've moved away from the arrogant brothers who look great on paper. We are now President and Vice President of team NICE guy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice guys have the following qualities: nice, value relationships, peaceful, chivalrous, leadership, and submitted to the word of God. They treat everyone well and seek to do good. They strive to be excellent husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, and lovers. They are leaders in their home and community. They are greatly appreciated by the beautiful women who love them. We're smitten by their heart and have no problems submitting to their authority in a marriage context. They may not always be a perfect ten on the physical level, but there is a physical attraction and their heart makes them drop dead gorgeous.

Nice guys, PLEASE don't change. You are where it's at. It's just that so many young women get caught up with the wrong type of men. They fail to notice you, even though they know in their hearts that they need someone like you. One day they wake up and realize that the guy of their dreams was there all along. They just thought of you as a friend, because the wrong guy had them sprung. Some women are fortunate that it's not too late, and the nice guy is still around. Others will live a good portion of their life in regret for not dating you once they realize the wrong guy never had intentions of marrying them because he had another girlfriend, fiance, was arrogant, or didn't have his life together. Then they see you get into a relationship and provide your wife with all the emotional, spiritual, and financial stability they hoped the wrong guy would give them. Another tragedy is when young women marry the wrong guy because they were sprung and deceived by their hearts. Now they spend the rest of their lives in the marriage from hell.

Although I do attract a better man now that I've matured, some of the wrong guys still try to date me. I am quick to tell them that I'm not interested. My instincts go on red alert when they come my way. My sign says "Only Accepting Applications from Nice Guys." Nice guys, you don't finish last. I know plenty of beautiful sisters who only want nice guys. Keep showing your interest and don't think that all women want a bad boy or thug. The women who want the wrong men are usually immature, so you shouldn't want to be with them anyway. Please stay nice. Know you deserve a woman who appreciates your love and kindness.

2007-01-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

Be Encouraged.................

For the first time in my life I finally understand how people who claimed to be so saved fall. I'm NOT talking about the people who left church because their pastor did something shady or because someone in their church hurt them. I'm NOT talking about the people who were raised in church and went for tradition and then stopped going. I mean this is the South, who didn't go to church at one point in their life?

I'm talking about the people who made sure everyone knew they were saved. They were the people who knew and followed the Word, active in their churches, and had no problem worshiping the Lord. They treated everyone well and were always willing to give someone spiritual guidance. Others admired how they could be so "good" in a world full of temptation. They didn't club, drink, or get down with violence of any kind, and always found other ways to have fun. I'm sure you can think of someone like that. However, one day they snapped.

Then you see them doing everything they claimed they wouldn't do because they were saved. They're drunk and crunk acting a fool in the club, sleeping with people the old them would have never thought about being with, stopped going to church, and pretty much seem just a little off or crazy. They are wilder and crazier than that wild person you knew who wasn't claiming to be a person of Lord. What happened to this person?

So as you know I'm fasting and taking more time to grow closer to God. My dear, the closer I am growing to God and accepting God's will for my life, the more evil and temptation comes my way. Last week I battled and had to fight a million times harder than ever to keep my feet on solid ground. On one side of my head I felt victory and saw changes that I new I needed to make. However, the other side of my head was full of reminders of what I used to be and what I was never going to be. Some things that are considered bad were starting to seem appealing. I felt like I was being pulled down to something I didn't want to be. Not knowing what was going on with me I turned to an elder in my church for counsel.

She explained to me that this is quite common in people who are trying to do good and live right. Negative people and the enemy arn't happy with this, so of course they are pulling you down and bringing road blocks into your life. My dear, it seemed like just about everything that could go wrong in a persons life went wrong in mine, and I was starting to become weary, doubtful, and complacent. She recommended that whenever I feel this happening to (1) identify it, (2) go to the Word, and (3) speak life to it. She also prayed for me. I am exceptionally fine.

My dear, I was at the point where either I was going to push further and be encouraged by the Lord or let the enemy get the best of me and fall. I knew the choice that I was going to make. So many saints fall, because they don't know how to push further when this happens. They let the problems and attacks of the enemy get the best of them. They spiral downward on a path to craziness and some never recover. Because of their immoral and crazy actions, they start to feel like they are not worthy to be in a relationship with God again. We know this is NOT true.

My dear, be encouraged and fight to keep your feet on solid ground. Just because you are saved doesn't mean the enemy isn't going to try to get you or that life is going to be a bed of roses. Remember if you and the enemy were not in opposition, he'd have no reason to mess with you. Do what you have to do to keep winning. Seek counsel if you have to. I love you!

2007-01-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

Are You Exceptional?

There's a saying that Exceptional people have Exceptional problems, but they come out of them Exceptionally. My dear, are you exceptional? I know you are. Know that you have the strength to triumph over the storms that come your way. You will triumph over the the glass ceiling that has you boxed in. You will leap over the dream blockers, who don't want you to succeed, because they don't want you to look better than them. Your real estate investments, career goals, political dreams, and business ventures are done; just keep doing what you're doing.

You will conquer the generational abuse, greed, brokenness, debt, gossip, jealously, alcoholism, neglect, disabilities, and health problems that have plagued your family tree. They will stop with you, and your children will have a family like your tree has never seen before. You may be in school taking out loans to pay for your education, or your mortgage and your car payment may prevent you from doing other things you'd like to do, but know that one day you will be a lender and not a borrower. You can and will marry, even though the statistics concerning marriage in the black community look deathly. I know what my Statistician says. You may have hurt someone, but know that you are forgiven. You may have been labeled as bad, arrogant, crazy, a player, ugly, fat, a cheater, dirty, easy, snobby, lame, a slow learner, dumb, or shady, but know that those labels don't have to count against you. Shake them off. Let Him transform you. You are brand new.

I know that the same people who doubted your abilities will have no choice but to trust you. They will be coming to you for advice one day. My dear, you are exceptional! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, and if you are eager to do good, who can really harm you? Take the limits off of you. There is increase and favor all around you. Just grab it!

2007-01-04T13:11:00.001-08:00

Another Process...........

Happy New Year!!! I spent New Year's Eve and Day in the company of close friends, and I loved every moment of it. On Monday a friend invited a couple of people to his place to watch the USC andMichigan game. During the watch night sermon my pastor discussed how seven is a number of completion and how 2007 is going to be a year of completion. I thought about the things in my life that need to be completed and the things that I need to do a 360. I need messed up family members to get right. I need to get all aspects of my life (including the physical, financial, and spiritual) in more order. I need to make sure that I'm living in my purpose. We are currently fasting for 40 days. Although it's uncomfortable, it's not as bad as it seems. The first 10 days are water only. M., Thank you for your support through this period.

It's only day three, and I already feel junk leaving me. Just when I thought I was alright, I saw that there are so many more things I need to work on. There are people I failed to pray for. There are people I need to apologize to for actions that may have hurt them. There are people who I let bother me, but I can't fall down to their level by holding unforgiveness. I want a kind heart and to be able to do a better job of loving those who hurt me. I need to forgive myself for past actions that weren't that Godly instead of feeling guilty. Most importantly, I want to be the woman of influence that God has called me to be. I can see where I want to be, but getting there is battle I promise to keep fighting.

I thought about some of my previous challenging life processes:

Two-parent family to a single-parent family trying to make ends meet
Single- parent family trying to make ends meet to a family with a comfortable lifestyle
An outspoken and lively little girl to a quiet and bashful teen
Shy and awkward girl to a woman who is comfortable in her skin
IG to an AKA
Single to a relationship
Relationship to single
Unsaved to saved
Not fearing the unimaginable to lying in a hospital bed not knowing my future.
Saved to Lord I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep my trust in you during the hard times, but I'm glad I did
A worrier and perfectionist to a "go with the flow" type of person
Satisfied with who I am to pushing myself to exceed my own expectations

These processes made me a better woman, even though I couldn't see it during the uncomfortable and grueling times. I am able to look back and say there's a reason for everything. I have a feeling that the struggles I am going through now and the junk that is being removed are preparing me for the process of becoming a woman who greatly impacts her community, a wife, and a mother.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him [James 1:12].

Lord, I thank you for these processes. Thank you for the things you've already done, even though I can't see them right now.

2006-12-29T15:22:00.000-08:00

Howdy!!!!

I'm in Texas visiting my family. I was raised in Pennsylvania, but my mother moved here about two years ago for work. McKinney is the fastest growing city in the United States. Many of the schools, fire and police departments, homes, stores, and parks are brand new. McKinney is a suburb of Dallas, but it is a city of its own in the sense that every major retailer and restaurant is located here. There are also many boutiques. Overall, the cost of living in Dallas and Houston is low, especially compared to other major cities. For example, you can buy a five-bedroom house for around $200,000 in the Dallas-FortWorth area. Yesterday, I saw a new development of luxury town homes (3 story and garage) for $110,000. Most would describe the Dallas area as good living. I could definitely live here.

I am enjoying spending time at home. I wish I could stay longer. My beautiful sister is a diva. She attends FIT in New York and interns for a PR company and magazine. When she returns to school she will be preparing to work for Fashion Week. A major perk of her internships is that she receives free samples of designer clothing, accessories, and make-up. She usually spends her time giving me fashion advice =), but this time she has been loving. She gave me a sweater, shoes, and a few lip-glosses. I can't believe how much my brothers have grown. They've been working so I haven't been able to spend much time with them.

On Tuesday I saw Dreamgirls, and I loved it. Every aspect of the film from was directed well. The talented Jennifer Hudson made a great Effie, and her break through performance was phenomenal. I've always been a fan of Glam and feminine chic. As a little girl I loved to go through my parents album collection to look at covers of Diana Ross and Chaka Khan. I also enjoyed watching documentaries about Jackie Kennedy Onasis, and in college I discovered the talents of the glamorous Dorothy Dandridge and Billie Holiday. Okay, getting back to the movie.....I also thought Eddie Murphy and Jamie Foxx portrayed their characters well. Eddie accurately emulated what it meant to be a James Brown, Little Richard, and Marvin Gaye. Beyonce was great, but I think Jennifer Hudson should receive more accolades. I saw the Pursuit of Happiness on Wednesday. I thought it was a great movie, but unlike Dreamgirls it's not one that I would want to see over and over again. After watching Dreamgirls I feel moved to purchase Mahogany.

Besides going to the movies, I've also spent a good amount of time eating. I've gained four pounds in less than a week. I suppose we are all excused during the Holidays. My weakness is dessert. Apple pie, carrot cake, sweet potato pie, and pumpkin pie (yes, black people eat pumpkin pie) got the best of me. Unlike most people who have just a slice, I usually eat about half to three-quarters of each pie or cake. I don't eat desserts because I'm hungry. I eat them just because they are there. I also found out that I am now allergic to one of our dogs, Charlie. It's not that bad, just a little uncomfortable.

I spent most of yesterday watching TV. My sister and I watched a marathon of Making the Team, a reality show that follows the process of becoming a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader. It's actually a good show. Today I watched An American Dream, the story about the Jacksons and Too Legit, which depicts MC Hammer's life. We are experiencing adverse weather conditions including a tornado watch, so we've been inside watching television.

Well I think I have written enough for now =). Have a great weekend and an even better New Year!

2006-12-25T08:11:00.000-08:00

Have a Merry and Blessed Christmas!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

Feet on Solid Ground............

I had a good weekend. I spent most of it studying. My friend turned the Big 25 on Saturday. On Sunday she invited some people over for dinner. We had a great time eating and sharing. I love times like that. Unfortunately, my wisdom tooth is growing in and it hurts

Lately my heart has been on fire for God. I can’t really describe it, but I just feel so good and blessings have been happening everyday.

There’s a guy who likes me, but we are not compatible. We had a long talk about religion and intimacy w/Christ. I invited him to church, but he feels that he parties, sleeps with, and watches people who go there get drunk on the weekends, and then those same people ask him to go to church. He said he wouldn’t go and wonders what the pastor is teaching these people. I guess he failed to realize that the woman he is trying to get with belongs to a church, is convicted, and tries hard to lead by example. I told him that just because people claim to be Christians doesn’t mean they are saved or submitted to God. Anyone can go to church. I also said that you constantly ask me why I don't have sex outside of marriage anymore or drink anymore. There’s your answer. I can’t convict you if I do, and my actions and words can turn you off to God and worshiping God in church. I don't believe that people who drink are sinning or going to hell. It doesn't say that in the Bible. However, I'm just cautious. I don't want someone to think that since I drink, they can and drinking happens to cause that person to do things they wouldn't normally do. The stigma associated with drinking has the power to label church folks who drink as "she ain't really doing right." Besides that I realized that I never liked alcohol, I just drank because everyone else was, and it allowed me to excuse certain behaviors. I lead by example. I also told him I know plenty people who are leading by example and I'd be happy to introduce you.

He said.....I like you and I thought you were a good woman when I first met you and because of that I know that I have to have my stuff together to get with you. He said he’s trying, but he knows that I don’t like him because of the crew he hangs with (it’s not that, his personality just isn't compatible with mine). He said I’m the type of woman he is going marry, but he’s not ready to get married now. He said he is sleeping with someone who likes him, but he doesn’t like her. I told him that every time he is sleeping with her is taking from her and hurting her, and I don’t keep friends who hurt people. I told him that I liked him only as a friend and that I couldn’t be his friend as long as he was in that situation. He said he understood. It was peaceful and we are cool, just not friends. I asked him why he doesn’t like her and he said he did, but once they did it he lost the attraction.

Why is it that the same people who say all people in church are hypocrites or that they lose attraction to a girl after they sleep with her are the same people who question me for not taking part in certain worldly activities? They pressure me to do certain things, but the minute I do I become another messed up hypocrite person in church. I won’t give them that right!!!!!!

2006-12-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

Pictures from The Engagement Party......

2006-12-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

Reunion............

I had a fabulous Saturday. The parents of my line sister threw her a very classy engagement party at the Sheraton in Crystal City. Two of my line sisters and I only went for the event (we spent the night in Richmond), while my other line sisters and little sisters stayed for the entire weekend. Yolanda looked fierce in her evening gown, and I realized that G. really balances her out. The wedding is going to be Labor Day weekend in Hilton Head. I can't wait! Yolanda and G. are planning a weekend of activities.

I was so excited to see everyone. I love seeing how we have grown over these last couple of years. Many have accepted Christ, others have made great accomplishments in their careers, and some are going law and med school and entering marriage. Also, we still look pretty and spent most of the dinner taking pictures:). When we get together we laugh and make fun of things we did in undergrad and each other. We can get very loud, but we are just excited. We just kept saying that we are getting old, especially in comparison to the younger girls. I love how we can go months or even years without seeing each other or speaking and pick up where we left off like there was no time in between. Overall, I had a great time and I can't wait until we all get together in February and May. I'll post some pictures from the party later.

2006-12-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

Can You Forgive?........
Well, it's been a little over a week since my last post. Things have been well. My friend S. had a movie night on Friday. We watched Superman Returns. I like the idea of Superman, but I had a hard time following the movie. It was still so much fun just hanging out and talking until 3 in the morning. I don't think I did much on Saturday. I was invited to watch a boxing match at someone's house, but I decided to stay home and rest.

Sunday's sermon was about forgiveness. I realized that although I thought I let go of the person who hurt me, that hurt manifests in other ways. I forgave that person years ago, but I didn't totally forgive that person. For example, if I was having a bad day, I could always find a way to blame that person for my trouble. On Sunday, I let go of the small amount of unforgiveness that I was still harboring. I feel so good, and my heart feels light.

The discussion of unforgiveness continued at my life group meeting on Monday. My life group is full of fabulous women of various ages who really guide me. I love them so much!!! One member, a teacher in her early 30s, mentioned that she is now dating a fabulous man and talked about how God returned the love she didn't see between her parents in her relationship with this man. I am just so excited for them. Her words of advice to women who are waiting were to look great all the time; never, ever call a man (until you are in a serious relationship), but make him sweat you to the point where he doesn't know what he'll do without you in his life; and stay focused on the Lord. She referred to the gospel of Matthew in which Jesus allowed Peter to walk across the water, but once Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the wind and waves, he began to sink. Now I know those of us who believe in Jesus know we fell every time we took our eyes off of Him. I love that our God is a God of second chances.

Talk to you soon...........

2006-11-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

Why...If...How...When

HOW many more times will I hear about police officers shooting unarmed black men. WHEN will the feeling I get in my stomach and throat after reading about cases like the one in New York over the weekend stop. I wonder what it will feel like WHEN I have to stop telling my young children that police officers are their friends and start reminding my teenagers to be cautious and to refrain from making sudden movements IF they are stopped. It is funny HOW "police officer" means different things to us at different ages, classes, genders, and races. It means safety for some people, and I hope they don't hurt me for others.

2006-11-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

Girlfriends and Gumbo...........

I know that title sounds like part two to the movie Ya Ya Sisterhood or the sequel to the book Sunday Brunch, but I had such a great time hanging out with some girlfriends while eating gumbo for brunch. My friend , a New Orleans native, hosted the event and her gumbo was great. The five of us ate, reviewed the Sean Combs and Kim Porter article in Essence, watched Something New, and just talked. My favorite part of the article is when Sean says he knows Kim deserves to be married, but he's not ready. Kim says she's content with not being married, even though she will have a total of three of his children. Her reason for being satisfied with the situation is that most marriages don't work out so why label it and that her parent’s marriage didn't work out. I wondered if she was really "okay" with not being married or if her reason for not pushing the issue is solely based out of fear that she couldn't have a decent marriage. One of Sean's main reasons for not wanting to get married is that he doesn't have time to be a good husband. I wondered if he thought he had time to be a good father. After reading the article my respect for Kim increased a "tinch", but I wish people and television shows would stop covering them like their situation is hot. If this was a regular Joe and a regular Jane in the same situation I think the media would call Jane a baby's mama and Joe would just be one of the many men who get the milk for free. Anywho, the article resulted in great conversation.

After talking about that article I felt so thankful that I was able to be healed from the hurt and pain from my parent's divorce. Even with all that my family went through, I couldn't imagine going into relationship thinking it will not work out because my parent's marriage didn't work. I don't think that every man is going to hurt me. I spent most of my teens and college years fearing marriage, but after going through the healing process I now look forward to married life with a traditional marriage. I cover my ears remarks like "girl make sure you have a savings account on the side in case it doesn't work out" or "always keep an emergency apartment or condo just in case....". I can't live my life like that and anyone who does has no faith and much fear. If we really felt like we had to take those precautions going into a marriage, then the person we plan to marry isn't the one for us. I refuse to let divorce control my love life or prevent me from being loved and honored by a man. I wish Kim and others like her would stop making comments like that and heal. I know it isn't always easy to let go and heal, but it sure beats being controlled by divorce or the mistakes your parents made. I used to feel like I was so different from or less than people who grew up in a two-parent family, but I don't feel like that anymore. I guess I'm brand new =). Something special happens when we refuse to let negative circumstances control our destiny.

2006-11-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I am so thankful! I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Uncle and his wife's family in Knightdale. At first I was a little sad that I wasn't going to Texas, but I had a good time. My friend came along. My aunt's family can be weird at times so I had to brief her, but they actually behaved. I'm going to have to bring her with me more often =). One of my aunt's brothers wore a glitter T-shirt with Eazy-E's face on it. This man is in early 40s. Got to love them!

Another highlight of the day was the Cowboys victory!

I ate a whole apple pie and sweet potato pie. That is the reason why I don't keep sweets or chips in my house. I eat them just because they are there. My stomach (pouch) needs to be toned. I started working on it yesterday.

I didn't buy anything on Friday. Later S, Ashleigh, and I went to see Deja Vu. It was good. Denzel gets finer with age. After the movie we got a bite to eat with our special guest K. He is great. Then we moved the party to the Starbucks (crack) Cafe at Barnes N Nobles. I enjoyed talking and spending time with them. Sauniell needs to bring more special guests. They really got me thinking more about my life goals and being more socially conscious instead of social when it comes to joining certain social organizations. Thanks. I really enjoy nights like that. Who needs the bar or club scene?!?

2006-11-19T17:06:00.000-08:00

Confirmation

I've decided to follow a passion for real this time. I'm in the process of applying to be a public school teacher. I know in my heart that I was placed here to directly impact the lives of others. I also know in my heart that I will be prosperous even though the pay scale for the things that I want to do with at risk youth and women isn't that great. I was unsure about this move at first, but last Wednesday God confirmed it twice. Furthermore, I know that any career outside of these domains is living out of my purpose and will cause uneasiness in my life. I'll keep you posted.........

I had a great weekend just spending time with friends. On Friday I went to a birthday get together and then out to dinner. On Saturday I watched the Michigan and Ohio State game with some friends and later we saw the new James Bond film. I really liked it.

While listening to my pastor preach this morning I realized that we know that God can do all things, but sometimes we fail to ask Him for what we want. I asked Him for something dear to me during that sermon and when I got home it came!!!! What can I say...an incredible God deserves and incredible praise.............
Love ya!!!

2006-11-14T15:19:00.000-08:00

As I'm getting older I find it hard to concentrate on things and conversations that I'm not interested in. I try to fight it, but my mind starts to wander. Don't worry, if you're reading this blog you are someone I'm interested in and enjoy talking to. When I'm at home and can't concentrate I just take a nap. What am I supposed to do at work? I know that part of the reason is that my job is not my passion, but I still need to focus. I need to be able to entertain the conversations of coworkers and my superiors. I have to pinch myself to stay awake during meetings and conference calls and pray that no one asks me a question since I wasn't paying attention. Sometimes I day dream and think about things I could be doing if I was not at work or didn't have to work for money. Some thoughts include shopping, going to a spa, running an errand, seeing a movie, and other thoughts are packing up my stuff and traveling from continent to continent, seeing the seven wonders of the world, or helping with relief efforts in the Congo. I spend much time at work brainstorming places I'd like to live and editing my financial plan. I know....I'm bad. I'm going to take some project management courses next semester, and I will need to focus.
Listen Z.... the only jobs you loved and focused on were those involving children, volunteering, and helping others live better. Did you seriously think you would be fulfilled in anything else?!? Stop letting money deter you from changing careers. Follow your passion and everything else will fall into place. Sometimes you just have to talk to yourself....

I don't hate my job at all. I don't dread going to work. I like the relationships that I have with my coworkers and boss, but this is not my passion. I would also love to take my recruiting experience to a political campaign like that of Barak Obama.

I had a weird experience where I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I usually give some of the homeless guys on 86 or 15-501 a dollar or a bottle of water on my way to work. Today I had a six pack of water in my car. I gave a guy one bottle. He drank it so fast, like before the light turned green. He was panting and obviously dehydrated. Later I felt like I should have given him another bottle. Why didn't I give it to him? I'm really sensitive to homeless people. For one, I know that most of the older homeless men we see are Vietnam Veterans who could not socialize themselves back into society. Second, it could have been me. I volunteered at a soup kitchen in Hampton and every man in there was a Vet. I did some research and found out that 1 in 3 homeless men in the U.S. is a veteran. Hmmmmmm.

Take Care and God Bless!

2006-11-13T08:49:00.000-08:00

The Washington, D.C. Martin Luther King, Jr. National Memorial Ceremonial groundbreaking took place this morning. The specific location is Independence Avenue and West Basin Drive, adjacent to the FDR Memorial. I'm elated that a memorial of a man of color will grace the capital grounds. I wish MLK, Jr and Coretta Scott King, one of my first lady role models, were here to witness this event. I wish I was in D.C. today. For a virtual tour of the memorial please visit...
www.mlkmemorial.org

2006-11-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

I'm Still Standing!!!

Lord,
You are awesome, you are my King, my Father, my provider, my healer, and just my everything. I know there are so many things that I ask of you, but know that I am open to your will, and I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be in your glory. Thank you for the friendships you've brought into my life. I had a wonderful dinner with my friends at Champs on Saturday. I enjoyed spending time with Ebony, Monica, and Trish at WOCC's Blackout on Friday, and I am so excited about getting to know the other people I met that night. I know that I can complain about living in the Triangle, but I often feel like you've placed me here for a serious reason and everyday you show me something new about why I am still living here. Also, it's always nice to receive a call from Amber, Nakisha, and Ashley. Thank you for friendships and keep showing me how to be a better friend.

I know many people doubt you and the significance of worshiping you, but I do not need persuasion. To think that a guy thought I would change the way I show my love for you in order to date him. Whatever!!!!!! I shall NOT be moved. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. After listening to him talk I could not understand for the life of me how two people who have a different belief system and refuse to change or compromise on their beliefs think they can live happily in a marriage. Also, there are a few "wolves in sheep's clothing" who are trying to date me. Don't they know I can see right through them? Hmmmm. I shall not be moved. Thank you for bringing friendships with genuine men of God into my life, so that I can easily see those who need to go.

Thank you for placing me in a children's ministry. You placed me there not only to serve you, but to help me sew a seed into the lives of my future children, whom I'm praying for now. I"ve learned so much about children and about myself through this experience. My patience has increased tremendously. I see the type of woman you are preparing me to be, and I thank you. Those children bring a smile to my face. I love them. I have a feeling you are leading me to a career change. I'll keep listening.....

I pray that you heal the minds and bodies of my friends and family, that they see increase and your favor working in their lives, and that they come closer to you. I knew it was you when my linesister left a message saying that a friend of ours, who is really out there in the world, was coming to our church with her today. I was in shock. She and her boyfriend had been working on him for sometime now. Thank you!!

I pray that you keep beautifying my spirit and that I become more of a peacemaker and a steady force. Bring me to the place where change isn't as painful. You said my name is rich and woman of influence, and I believe you; however sometimes I don't speak it into existence enough. Please help me put more positivity into my speech and increase my confidence level. Help me to be even more patient, and please continue to heal my body.

Lord, help me to continue to forgive those who trespass against me, and forgive me if I've have intentionally and unintentionally hurt others. Everything that I am belongs to you. In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen.

2006-11-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

Sigh.... I was sad to find that Ed Bradley of 60 minutes died today. He was the reason I watched that show. There isn't a news correspondent like him. He will be Greatly missed! http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/09/obit.bradley/index.html

2006-11-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

Writing a letter without mailing it is supposed to be a great mechanism for venting frustration toward someone or something.

Well, here I go.............

Dear Sallie Mae,

It was great at first. You gave me what I needed at the time. Know that I’m not blaming you, and as a matter of fact I thank you so much for helping fund my higher education. Unfortunately, I don’t want you anymore, and I am stuck with you. I feel sick when I think of the extra things that I could be doing if I didn’t have you. Thank you for the good times, and thank you once again for helping fund my education, but know that I can’t wait until the day that I don’t have to see you anymore. That day will be here before you know it, so get ready.....get ready to go!

Sincerely,

A one day lender, not a borrower

----------------------------------
People, please know that you are a “blessed somebody” if you don’t have student loans to pay back. My friend/Soror and I joked about our student loans and realized that we should be thankful to be in a place where at least we can pay them back. We are also thankful for our education.

Let’s all remember to be good stewards with our money as we are moving to a wealthy place. Stewardship is also important if you’re already at a wealthy place, and some of you are there.
-- “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:14-15.

Also, check out these great sites if you are looking for sound financial advice..................
http://www.blackenterprise.com/
http://www.suzeorman.com/

Love Ya!

2006-11-08T06:10:00.000-08:00

The people have voted. AND THE WINNERS ARE......
http://www.cnn.com/
www.newsandobserver.com

2006-11-07T06:36:00.000-08:00

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! Mid term elections are just has important has presidential elections.

Harold Ford Jr. will be the first black senator in the South since Reconstruction if he wins the Tennessee senate race!
http://www.fordfortennessee.com/

2006-11-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Get It Right, Get It Right, Get It Tight...................

I had a good weekend. I went to Zydeco with my friend Trish on Friday. It's been a while since I've been there. I forgot how much I love live Jazz. I voted for the mid term elections on Saturday morning. I guess we'll know the results tomorrow. Saturday morning I realized that I've been surrounded by elderly folk every time I've voted. I know the rumor is that young people don't vote, but let's prove them wrong.

It's usually hard for me to get into work mode on Mondays, but today went well. I spent the evening with some sisters from my church. We have life groups at my church, in which we meet every two weeks or so to discuss Sunday's sermon and apply it to our lives. We also spent time just bonding and having girl talk. I realized that when in doubt I have to throw it out and anything or anyone that I have to justify my reason for being with them or doing that thing needs to go. It's easier said then done, but I'm going to stop making excuses for people and myself. Nothing is going to block my blessing! More importantly, I need to trust God and exercise more faith. My faith is unshakeable in certain areas, but it needs work in other areas. The Word says that I will be fruitful and multiply, prosperous, that my husband will be respected, and people will call him blessed because he has me, so why do I continue to get stressed out over not being as financially stable as I would like to be or wonder when my husband will come. It's already done, and I'm doing what I need to do (God really helps those who help themselves), so I just need to be patient and exercise faith. I need to remind myself that I am only 25!!!!!
"You are a designer original. Everyone cannot afford the price you demand and that's all right. If they could, you would be common...."MMH.

Take Care!

2006-11-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Alright, I know it's late, but I feel its time for me to start blogging! More to come..........